The dreaded “Friend Zones”, it isn’t the best place to be in but it seems so many men and women are stuck in this scenario. Why you may ask? Is it because people have lost the art of flirting, women have higher expectations or that men are just not men anymore?
It’s said to “just be yourself”, that it is the best way to win a woman’s heart but quickly for men, they find themselves locked into the Friend Zone. You see a woman you really want to get to know, to date but you might feel you have to be someone else to get her romantic attention, then you aren’t being yourself. Being nice and buying her stuff isn’t working, doing favors and always complimenting only seems to be burying you deeper as a friend, so “How To Make Her Want You”?
A lot of men find themselves in the “Nice Guy Trap”, this means you meet a woman and you do all the things you feel is being nice. In the end she rejects you as a romantic partner because she doesn’t want a nice guy.
Men then often take it as it is the woman that has the issues, that apparently she doesn’t want a nice guy, she wants a guy that treats her like crap. But then the man goes right back out and does the whole campaign over again with the next girl, still leaving you wondering how to make her want you, can I make her want me?
When you think about it, this is known as madness, we need to learn from our mistakes and figure another way out, not rinse and repeat failure.
The Comfort Zone
So why do men fall into this pattern of madness, doing the same failing routine over and over? Well the truth of it is that men want to stay in their comfort zone and being nice and humble is a great facade to hide behind. So when you think you are being yourself, going out of your way to be nice, you really aren’t being yourself. Crazy right?
When a man acts nice and humble and not just with the ladies but everywhere, this is hiding and keeping yourself out of the competitive light. Women always admire and look at other women right?
They do this in a competitive way, you find many women are strongly attracted and desire married men, I know this because when I was married, I could have 3 different women a day it seemed, then I got divorced and became invisible.
Nice And Safe
We men often hide in our comfort zones to reduce confrontation with other men and to reduce risk of being bold enough to a woman to tell her exactly what we want to spare our egos in case of rejection. It is nice and safe but I can tell you, the nice and safe approach will never work.
Women want a Man to sweep her off her feet, to excite her, to let her know what he wants, not a boring, meek and mild manner Clark Kent. Don’t get me wrong, people will appreciate you being a nice and sweet guy and I don’t think you should ever lose those attributes, but respect, admiration and desire is gained by so much more.
Be A Great One, Not A Nice One
Let’s say you are out and you see a girl that is a 12 on a scale from 1 to 10, she is hot but the first thing in your mind is it is too much effort to get a girl like that, she only wants a guy that has not only great looks, but money and status. I can tell you that isn’t true, she is like all other women, she wants a great guy, not a nice guy.
It is so easy to play the blame game and turn it around and say it is the women that don’t know what they want and yes, a woman will be the first to tell you that this often the case, they don’t know or so they think. But really they do know what they want, they just need a real man to help them see this and a man can do this by being a great guy.
Think about it, being “Nice” is also being bland, forgettable and replaceable. So why would a 12 level girl or any level of girl want someone that doesn’t display some form of a unique quality? When you think about it, as a guy, you don’t want this blandness in a woman either, so why would she?
It Seems Women Always Want The Wrong Guy
You often see a woman you would love to have, out with a guy you know is a dirtbag-user, a real piece of crap and you know he isn’t right for her and you’re scratching your head on how that happened. Most men automatically think it is the woman who is messed up, that most women want to be treated that way but the truth is, dirtbag-user guys are exciting to a woman.
They can challenge her and they don’t care to tell her what they want and they can because they don’t care if they get that specific girl or not. If they don’t get that one, they move on to the next. Now obviously you don’t want to be a scumbag like that, if you are reading this, it more than likely means you have a genuine heart and you don’t want to have to go out and treat a woman that way just to get your foot in the door.
The Friend Zone Is Bad
So many men hope to at least get put in the friend zone and hope that one day he’ll get promoted to being that guy the girl says, “Where have you been my whole life”. Well that is never going to happen, “No More Friend Zones” guys, quit thinking that way, it never has worked and never will.
As crazy and unappealing as it may sound, getting a woman all comes down to marketing. Yes I said marketing and your first thought is that means being someone you are not. Well that isn’t true, everyone has great attributes but when we go out in the world, we rarely show them. We find it safer to hide them to reduce risk of being ridiculed for them.
This is why the dirtbag-user guys get what they want, they don’t care what anyone thinks, so they are showing some of their attributes. When you want to get a promotion at work, you want the next level up position, don’t you try by showing some of the things you are good at, letting it be known some of the qualities you have you don’t normally show? So is this being fake, not true to yourself?
Show Them Who You Really Are
When it comes to romance, pick at least three good qualities about yourself and let that be known. If you’re funny, if you’re really a positive person, if you have a big heart and love animals or kids or if you are good with your hands and or just love to help people, show these qualities. Show these qualities with confidence and that you are proud to have them, don’t act like you should be ashamed of them. Confidence is the biggest key winner with women anyway.
Confidence isn’t something that can be easily faked either, women have a natural built in radar and they can tell when I guy isn’t really being himself. So find your attributes and market that, not hide it, don’t be someone that is forgettable. As crazy as it sounds, I have had more girls in my day to fall for me because I wasn’t afraid to show my passion for something nerdy like Star Trek, or throw on my Superman cape and act silly, or just share my ideas of how I would like to see the world or even wear jeans with holes, a dirty ball cap and a shop towel hanging from my pocket.
This is standing out from the rest, this is saying that you are not afraid or ashamed of the things you like that makes you who you are. Granted, if you take a girl who loves Bambi out to hunt, you may lose on that one, so you have to use some common sense plus you want to listen to her, learn what she likes, you may find you’re not interested in her. There is no need to act like or feel like she is the only girl you will ever meet. Remember, there are more women than they are men, so keep that in mind.
What Women Want
So by hiding behind this facade of being a nice guy, you are limiting your potential. So let’s think about what I said, about “Marketing”. So how does marketing work, well if you were selling hot dogs, where is the best place to sell them? If you took your hot dog cart out to the desert or maybe on the shoulder of a California high speed interstate, do you think you are going to sell many?
What if you took that cart and parked it outside on the corner of a busy New York intersection and you got there right before the lunch hour? It is all about knowing your audience and with women, you need to know what they are looking for. So even if a woman could tell you what they want or not, the truth is, they want a confident man that can take her to the moon and back, sound like a tall order huh, well maybe not as much as you think.
Men And Women Want The Same Things
Women want the same thing we men want. They want a man with confidence, one who can thrill them, one they can have good sex with and someone they can eventually fall in love with. Can you really deny that isn’t what we men really want as well? This is your target audience, a woman that wants what you want.
Don’t you want a woman that you find exciting and makes you feel things you can’t explain? This is what women want, they want the same things but if you go up to her afraid to even say your name without sounding like you are bothering her, you may be viewed less than the friend zone and more of an annoyance.
These descriptions I just gave is what is missing in the world today, and that is “Magic”. Remember when you were a kid and the first time you saw a girl that made you feel all messed up inside, happy, scared and excited all at the same time? That was magic and why should that ever go away, just because you are an adult now?
It is so sad we live in a time where everyone is in such a hurry and so busy that when they do meet someone, it becomes a speed date process. Example: “Hey you’re hot, like your ass, let’s skip the boring parts, jump into bed” and then wonder what went wrong. This may sound stupid but many people are taking this approach and killing the magic.
Aim for the best, stop settling, if you meet a girl that is everything you want, don’t sell yourself out, go for it. Women want a lot, so why shouldn’t you, why should you settle, women don’t want to. How many failed or failing relationships do you see and it is because the two just settled instead of going for what they really wanted.
How many times in your life you took a job, bought a car or a house that you picked out of an immediate need or just didn’t want to put any more effort at the time and were miserable with your choice? So why would dating, picking the woman you really want be any different. Going back to being the nice guy, ask yourself this. Are you really being a nice guy, a great guy if you choose a girl that isn’t really what you wanted but you did anyway because it was easier, then only to have it blow up and in the end, you completely crushed and hurt that girl?
Is this being nice or being selfish, are you any better than Mr. dirtbag? Go after what you want, if you don’t’ want to or can’t make the effort to get what you really want, then maybe you need to take time to evaluate where you really want to be in life and decide if being alone really fits you better.
Keep The Power
Way more than it should be, men give all the power to the woman, they let the women make all the decisions and that isn’t what they want. Women want a confident man to make decisions, have focus and delivers. Stop being the one to be selected and start being the one to select, that is much more appealing than to stand there like a school kid in a line up hoping to be picked to be the star in a play. So what defines a confident man?
- Having a strong character and a strong sense of reality
- Take certainty in your actions and words, meaning think about what you do and what you are fixing to say
- Being consistent, this shows that you can be counted on and trusted
- Don’t be afraid to take the lead, sitting back and hiding hoping someone else will just shows you can’t be counted on and that you don’t know what you want
- When you are with a woman, make her feel desired and protected, this of course doesn’t mean smother her where she can’t move but there are ways to make her feel sexy and wanted and at the same time and secure and safe with you
These tips can help you develop a self-marketing strategy and no this doesn’t mean a way to teach yourself how to be someone you are not, these tips are to help you incorporate better traits into your core values of who you really are. It isn’t going to happen overnight either but in a very short time with awareness and practice, you will achieve confidence.
Unfortunately being the nice guy hides these traits, women can’t see them even if you have them. You have to step up your game, step up to the table and market yourself to let women know you have what it takes. When talking to a girl, trying to get a date, head nodding and things of a polite attachment is doomed from the get go. Also taking the above tips and trying to use them as if you were reading instructions is going to brand you as fake.
Need Help? Get Coaching Advice
I did run across an eBook written by a dating coach with a really successful history in helping men that address all of these topics. This coach talks about and shows men how to recognize and break free from that nice guy trap.
She teaches you how to create an effective marketing strategy to promote yourself honestly and still to the core values of who you are, not to change you. This eBook will have you delivering your new found confidence and personality within the first minute of meeting a girl. First impressions do matter so make it a great one.
Not only does this book show you how to decrease your chance of getting in the friend zone but how to get out of the friend zone if you are already in it. This eBook will step you through the things that you need to learn but still keep congruent to the person you are. You don’t want to be someone you are not, you want to be a better you, the trick is just learning to market yourself.
Go from the approval seeker to a man of strength and integrity and be the approver, find out How To Make Her Want You
If you have any questions or thoughts, please leave me a comment and I will try and get back to you as soon as I can.
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