Relationships and dating even though it can be fulfilling and rewarding, can also be very tough and sometimes a lot of work. A number of women end up with so many not so great men ranging from someone really terrible to guys that are just too nice. It seems you can find plenty of really nice guys but the problem is there is usually just no chemistry.
Guys that are too nice are no challenge, kind of boring and even a bit like a brother. Then you go to the other end where you meet an exciting guy but he turns out to be a complete loser. He either lies about everything, including cheating and or he always taking way more than giving. So the real challenge is to figure out How to Get a Good Guy?
Man To Woman Qualities
Let’s take a look at what is available for men to get their dream girl and compare it to what is available for women to get their man. There are many programs and dating coaches that claim that they know the downfalls of men’s approach to dating or relationships gone wrong.
In these explanations always include what women are looking for and where the men are failing at providing this. I think this is a fair assessment and a logical approach, as for the qualities that a man needs to bring out to get his woman are the qualities a woman should be looking for in a man.
Let us look at what qualities men are looking for that will win his heart. Most people would immediately say a man wants a girl that has a hot body and that is all that matters. And ladies, we know this to be true because a great number of women always feel men want thin, hot, toothpick size girls and this causes self-doubt and insecurities.
Sadly this is true to a degree but this truth only applies to men looking for some adventure and fun and in the one-night stand type thing, not a real relationship.
What Men Are Really Looking For
Noticed I said above, “qualities men are looking for to WIN their hearts. Porno sex can fun and great but it isn’t what men are really looking for. They want what women want, someone real that they can connect to emotionally. So here is a list of the top qualities men are looking for in a woman:
- Confidence – Nothing is sexier than a woman who’s comfortable in her own skin
- Intelligence – Men are really attracted to women who can stand as their equal
- Non-materialistic – Let the man treat you to things without them being demanded upon him
- Spontaneous – Men love a woman who can do things spur of the moment
- Laid Back – A man likes a woman who can let her hair down and doesn’t sweat the small stuff
- Sense of Humor – Make light of things, laugh and have snappy comebacks, isn’t laughter the best aphrodisiac?
- Sensual – Keep an air of sexiness and confidence that will draw his eyes to you, feel comfortable in your own sexuality
- Honest – This is a MUST to have for both genders, keep things open and honest in your relationship
- Independent – Let him know you will be fine without him, that he doesn’t have to reassure you every five minutes. Neediness can make a man feel untrusted
- Supportive – No matter how strong or confident a man is, he wants to know that you’ll support him and stand by him in his life choices
- Drama free – Some people as in both genders are not happy unless they live a life of drama. Commonsense should tell you that drama is a formula for chaos and avoidance
- Maturity – This again is sought after by both genders, doesn’t mean you have to be a stick in the mud but not being able to accept things in life and deal with them rationally isn’t a good trait
Men You Should Avoid
Now this list can actually be used to help women understand the types of men to avoid. If you have a man or meet one that doesn’t really deem any of these qualities of value, chances are he isn’t looking for a long term committed relationship. Chances are, if you know a guy that doesn’t resemble any of the above, more than likely he is “Mr. Player”.
On the note of “Mr. Player”, something everyone needs to watch for is “Narcissism”. There a good number of people who have this horrible attribute and it is easy for either gender to get caught up in it with someone.
These narcissistic people wreak of entitlement and feel no shame of their hurtful actions. A lot of relationships go south because one or both parties has this condition. They do not see and never feel wrong about anything they do, it is the rest of the world that is wrong. With this, you will never win an argument and the best thing to do is get away from someone like this quickly.
What Women Are Looking For In A Man
Now let’s take a look at what qualities women are seeking for in a man. You may find that this list will have some of the same as what men seek in women:
- Honest – This is a MUST to have for both genders, keep things open and honest in your relationship
- Confidence – This is a very attractive quality to women, it can assure her that the man knows what he wants
- Maturity – Women want to date a man, not a mama’s boy or a little boy that can’t accept grown up life and decisions that have to be made
- Kind – Kindness inspires confidence and is a sign of a man that has control and composure.
- Intelligence – This can offer a sense of security to a woman as well the relationship will never be boring as he is a problem solver and always striving for improvements
- Independence – This shows strength and maturity and also is a good indicator the man isn’t needy
- Motivated – This is a good sign that your man possesses leadership qualities and he is going places
- Supportive – This trait is a must in friendship and being the best of friends is a must in any relationship
- Sense of Humor – There is no way to have a fulfilling relationship without laughter and fun. Laughter is a perfect way to bring you close and bond
- Reliable – You have to know that you can count on your man to be there for you and possibly a family
- Faithful – A man making a woman feel safe and secure is a big attractive quality he could possess but if he cheats, he takes away all that security and builds distrust and negativity
- Respectful – Someone that shows respect usually becomes reciprocal. This offers a mature level playing field for both and makes communications far easier.
- Intuitive – This makes a woman feel safe and secure when she knows her guy is listening, paying attention to her feelings and responding accordingly
- Being Altruistic – This can be moving to see a man to be giving and genuinely want to help others
- Passionate – This is a sign of how deep a man can love, how intense his devotion could be in the relationship.
Break The Cycle
In order to get a good guy, you have to understand what you really want and also understand what you have been doing in the past that might be getting you all the wrong type of men. As a man, I find it almost funny when I hear a woman complain how all she wants is a good guy but yet there are 10 standing around her in her life.
She ignores these guys because they are too nice or just friends and she always, always goes right back after the same type of loser that uses her, takes advantage of her, lies to her and cheats on her. For anyone, man or woman to keep repeating the same failing thing is technically considered madness.
Learn From Your Mistakes
Would you keep sticking your finger in an electrical outlet only to get hurt and burned every time, probably not. So why keep going after the same type of guy that is going to hurt you in the end? This is the part you need to take a closer look at yourself, at who you are and what you really want deep inside. First off, do you know who you are?
Because if you don’t, how is anyone else going to get to know the real you? The whole world is guilty at wanting the latest shiny thing and the hottest guy or girl and this temporary flare is great for short term but in the end, you are right back to being unhappy. So you need to look into all the little things that make you happy because the little things are really the most important.
Ask Yourself, Are You Really Ready?
As with anything, a firm foundation has to be in place before building anything that is going to last, relationships are no different. If you are not really ready to be in a relationship, then any attempt will fail.
If you are not ready, the most you will get are sexual flings, arguments, drama and short lived hangouts and that is about it. So if you really want a more permanent status with a man, let’s go over some things you need to make sure you have in place before going any further.
Have you let go of your past relationship and I mean all of them? If you are still hanging on to what some butthead did to you in the past and either taking that misery out on every guy you meet or keeping your distance because you would rather be in love with a past failed relationship than to start something new and wonderful, then plan on being alone and miserable from now on. The past is just that and you should move on and learn to trust again, do not let the losers of your past manipulate a possibly great future with someone else.
How insecure are you? Insecurity is a really bad attribute to have, it makes you question any potential partner as well as it makes you question yourself, thus destroying your confidence. This leads to so many other problems, it cascades into not trusting and the ability to accept things. You have to find your best attributes and believe in those. Everyone has value, is unique and is special. Comparing oneself to others is one of the biggest reasons people become insecure. Stop comparing yourself and start focusing on what you like about you.
Do you understand Acceptance? Accepting means you acknowledge what has happened, what is happening and what will happen and deal with it in a mature positive manner and move on. Sadly a great number of people do not get this and this is where problems start. You have to accept your man was married before or had a girlfriend before you, it is the past, let it go. You have to accept that everything you like he may not or he may share a different point of view.
You also have to accept him for who he is, do not try to change him. It is common for women to want to take on their man as a new project. Change the way he dresses or what he drives or what TV shows he watches or even get him new friends. Women are caretakers by nature so this is partially genetic but realize when you are trying to change him, you are insulting him by ridiculing him. Also by changing him, he will no longer be the guy you liked in the beginning.
Are you a Drama Queen? It seems more people than not these days are drama queens. When women start overreacting to situations that really don’t even merit a thought, this drives men away. You should be making memories, not drama. Life is too short to carry on like a lunatic over matters that are really stupid. Even if you found your man in bed with your best friend, why give him or anyone the satisfaction of exploding, losing your temper with cussing and yelling or tearing things up, to make yourself look like the idiot fool.
The best way to handle something like that is to walk away with no emotion, let them think you could care less and never have anything to do with him anymore. By losing it and putting on a drama show, only lets him know that he has that much power and influence over you. By walking away just showed him who is in control and the better person is. Being calm will make him more sorry than throwing a fit.
Do you know how to respect a man? Often women act like the man is a servant; that he should drop his life at that moment to accommodate hers and if he doesn’t, then she wants to claim his lack of loving her. One of the big ones is her family is more important than his, I have met many of women that felt that her family is the most important, even over the relationship itself.
All of this is disrespectful and immature. Your relationship is between you and your man, no one else and both families should be treated equally. Actually true friendship is support of each other and actually putting the other person’s concerns before your own. It is called partnership, a 50/50 deal, is it really right to want his support if you are not going to do the same?
Can you be relaxed? There’s something to be said about having a relaxed, carefree attitude when it comes to dating. So things may not be going the way you want them to or you already can tell it isn’t meant to be, here is that word again but accept it and move on. If things are going better than you hoped it would, keep your cool and composure and let the magic build. Don’t be that one that has to read the end of the story first, just go with it. Setting a relaxed atmosphere will progress things along much more pleasant and smoothly.
Can you stay true to who you are? You meet a great guy and drop your entire former life to be with him. This is not good for you or the newfound relationship. Maintaining your sense of self, friendships and passions keeps you balanced and also makes you a more desirable partner. This also keeps him always coming back for more, if you mirror his life, you become predictable and boring.
Are you mature? If you find a good guy, one you can trust, chances are he will not be one to go party with his friends all night. He would want you to know that you are the only one he cares for and wouldn’t put himself in a situation that would cause you doubt. So why would you feel it is OK to run around with your friends to bars and such?
Being mature means understanding each other’s needs and concerns and come to a mutual understanding that protect both you and your relationship. This is just an example but being mature means respect your man and do what you can to show him that.
Do you enjoy head games and toying with a man’s feelings? If you love to string men along because you can, play head games just to feel the power then you are a terrible person and need to grow up. There are mean people out there and you may have had a man do you that way once and now you are ready to pay back all men.
It wasn’t all men that did you wrong and really the only one you are hurting is yourself. Because in the end, you will be the one all alone because you made it impossible to ever be loved. So if you want love, drop the games, open up your heart and let someone in to love you.
If you have all the above in check and or can improve on any that I mentioned, then you are well on your way of being able to figure out how to get a good guy. Like I said, you have to ensure your foundation is ready before adding to it.
How To Get A Good Guy
By now you are wondering what you can actually do to get a good guy. From above, we have looked at yourself, that is where it begins, you are all good, you know yourself and what you want, now what? Follow the below suggestions and I think you will star seeing positive results. As a guy, I feel this hit where it will make the most difference and create much success:
- Don’t lower your standards, make sure the one you are interested in is going to respect you and is someone that would fit into your lifestyle and what you believe in.
- Don’t be clingy and needy, show you have respect for yourself and keep the mystery about you a little. Granted, a guy likes to know that a girl is into him and I wouldn’t hide that but just keep it cool.
- Follow the Golden Rule. That means apply the same rules to yourself that you would him. A good guy will in fact notice this, they just don’t scream it out. For example, if you want to try finding his ticklish spots, then don’t complain one bit if he tries finding yours in return. Don’t go on about how you “don’t NEED a man!” or make comments, “men this, men that” if you don’t want him treating you the same way. DO, on the other hand, treat him–and others–with respect, dignity, and honor. Others will notice too, and who knows, if they know you want a good, real man but don’t yet have one, they just might introduce you to one!
- Respect yourself and show it. Whenever you show that you have respect and dignity for yourself, if the guy is a good guy, he will show you the respect that you are looking for. If he seems to care less what you think or say, then this is not a good guy and you need to walk away.
- Don’t be afraid to show what you are feeling or say what is on your mind. If he is a good guy, he is going to listen and react with respect and understanding and not judge you. If you feel like making a move like a hug, a peck on the cheek or whatever, then do it. Part of you wanting a good guy is because you want that type of relationship where openness is the playing field you are both on. Be playful, kid around with him because laughter is a positive emotion and that only works in both your favors.
- Treat him with respect, making fun of how men are or criticizing men is first off a negative approach to finding any kind of relationship. Going back to the Golden Rule, if you don’t want him dissing women, then don’t disrespect men. Some women will use this as a test to see if the guy is nice by him just taking it and a good guy might let you carry on that way but you are already damaging your relationship and creating doubt and that isn’t the best way to start off a relationship. Just because you were treated badly in the past isn’t a reason to keep bringing it with you into the next guy you meet. Leave the past behind you.
- Don’t play head games, remember this is showing disrespect and destroying trust on both sides. Again, you can’t go into a new relationship carrying all the bad that happened from a previous relationship. Leave all the testing your man at the door and just go with the flow. Learn to be open and communicate or you will keep repeating this failure over and over. I swear It seems so many women have to be right all the time these days, so by a woman testing and playing games and you trip the guy up at something, you just proved that all men suck. What is your prize for that ladies? DING DING DING, being alone!!!!
- Ask yourself why you want a relationship. Are you trying to fill a void, fill up time in your bored life or are you genuinely ready for love? You need to make sure that you are wanting a good guy for the right reason.
- Understand the differences in communications. Men in general often miss a woman’s subtle hints such as things she might say or certain body languages, that is just how most men are wired and something that they could improve on for sure. However a good guy will have more of a chance at noticing but more than likely not say anything or react as he would fear that he may be coming across as an assuming egotistical jerk. Be playful, flirt with him or even tickle him to let him know that you are breaking the physical barrier. Remember a good guy is going to respect you and needs a little nudging to get him to let his more “manly” self out. Just remember, men and women don’t always think the same way but you will in time.
- Just go with it and be cool, don’t be controlling or demanding and don’t be clingy or possessive either. You don’t want to come off as moody or high maintenance plus by endeavoring in these negative emotions, you are robbing yourself of just relaxing and having a good time. You may have always dreamed how the perfect date or even how your wedding is going to be but remember, dating and being with someone means, “It’s Not All About YOU”.
- Have a life, meaning don’t hang your entire existence on some guy. This will ruin a relationship faster than anything. A good guy will tolerate it for a short while but this will run him off fast. You need to be comfortable with what life you have and thus allows you to become independent. Remember, men like independent women just as women like independent men. Share your lives with each other, don’t try to possess them.
- Just Be Yourself. This is the most important one of them all. Men can’t fake confidence, at least for not very long so it is only logical you can’t fake being someone you are not. A really good guy is going to fall for the real you, even if you are quirky or just have ways about you that you know isn’t always liked by others. Don’t try and hide who you are at all, just be open about who you are. There is nothing wrong when you first meet to make a good impression but when you hide who you are, a good guy will not take you seriously and he will go away.
There Is Expert Help You Can Get
When it comes to a man, there seems to be an overkill of websites, businesses, coaches and information to aid men in finding the right woman, to master online dating and or to just get a sex partner.
But for women, there seems to be less of these resources and not as much help. Women often have it harder in trying to find someone than the men do, for men seem to be easier to please and women have a level of standards.
When it comes right down to it, women don’t want just a good guy, they are really wanting a great one. Often times than not, good guys get stuck in the Friend Zone and most of the time it is the good guy’s fault. They need to be the one’s to overcome that and I promote programs that can help them.
If you still feel like you need help, and I mean more professional with a background of years of experience and a high success rate of helping women. I can offer two products that can turn your dating dilemmas completely around. I can offer general advice but both these products are created by a dating coach and a well-known relationship expert.
Take some time to check them out and if you feel you could use some real guidance, I would seriously look these two products over. If you have any questions or thoughts, please leave me a comment and I will try and get back to you as soon as I can.