As fulfilling as relationships can be, they can also be tough. Sometimes relationships take a lot of work. But there is a point to when you have to ask yourself, how much work is enough? Women are attracted to confident men, and men that present a challenge. Sadly, after getting said man, they change into the opposite. Did you just not see this in the beginning, was he faking it? Just how do you get a good guy?
A number of women end up with so many not-so-great guys. They range from being really terrible, to being too nice. There is an abundance of really nice guys, but the problem is there is usually just no chemistry.
Guys that are too nice are not a challenge, kind of boring and even a bit like a brother. These nice guys go into the dreaded friend zone. Then you go completely the other way. You meet an exciting guy but he turns out to be a complete loser. He either lies about everything, cheats and uses you for everything. So, the real challenge is to figure out How to Get a Good Guy?
What Are Men Looking For In A Woman?
Before you can go and get a good man, you need to understand what men look for in a woman. Women’s first thought that men are wanting tooth pick skinny hot models. Sadly, this is true to a degree. But the truth is, a man wants the 10 plus hot model for sex, not a real relationship. Unfortunately, this unrealistic quick fix desire men have, create insecurities in women. More on this in a minute.
There are many dating programs and coaches that claim that they know how to get men dates. They understand the downfalls of men’s approach to dating or why relationships go wrong.
The explanations provided claim, women are looking for qualities that men are failing to provide. This is a fair assessment, as for the qualities that a man needs to get a woman. Are the qualities a woman should be looking for in a man.
As for what a man is looking for, when it is just a fling, a hot 10 plus model. But that isn’t what he really wants.
The Real Qualities He Looks For
Men are like little kids; they want what is new and shiny. That’s why women assume, all a man wants is a hot woman and wild sex. But when it comes to a real relationship, that isn’t what is important to them at all. Men are looking for what women are. Someone real, genuine, and honest. Men need emotional support just as much as women.
So here is a list of the top qualities’ men are looking for in a woman:
Confidence
Nothing is sexier than a woman who’s comfortable in her own skin.
Intelligence
Men are really attracted to women who can stand as their equal.
Non-materialistic
Let the man treat you to things without them being demanded upon him.
Spontaneous
Men love a woman who can do things spur of the moment.
Laid Back
A man likes a woman who can let her hair down and doesn’t sweat the small stuff.
Sense of Humor
Make light of things, laugh and have snappy comebacks, isn’t laughter the best aphrodisiac?
Sensual
Keep an air of sexiness and confidence that will draw his eyes to you, feel comfortable in your own sexuality.
Honest
This is a MUST to have for both genders, keep things open and honest in your relationship.
Independent
Let him know you will be fine without him, that he doesn’t have to reassure you every five minutes. Neediness can make a man feel untrusted.
Supportive
No matter how strong or confident a man is, he wants to know that you’ll support him and stand by him in his life choices.
Drama free
Some people as in both genders are not happy unless they live a life of drama. Commonsense should tell you that drama is a formula for chaos and avoidance.
Maturity
This again is sought after by both genders; doesn’t mean you have to be a stick in the mud but not being able to accept things in life and deal with them rationally isn’t a good trait.
Men You Should Avoid
The above list can actually be used to help women understand the types of men to avoid. If a man doesn’t really deem any of these qualities of value. Chances are he isn’t looking for a long term committed relationship. If he doesn’t resemble any of the above, more than likely he is “Mr. Player.”
Aside being “Mr. Player,” something women need to watch for is “Narcissism”. There a good number of people who have this horrible attribute. Sadly, both genders can experience this a love interest.
These narcissists wreak of entitlement and feel no shame for their hurtful actions. A lot of relationships go south because one or both parties have this condition. They do not see and never feel wrong about anything they do. When faced with a narcissist, the best thing to do is get away from them quickly.
The men you should really avoid are the ones that do not take you seriously. Then there are the ones that use you, always taking far more than giving. Most importantly, if you are not feeling good about yourself around a guy, he is not the one. Being around anyone that makes you feel less about yourself are toxic. You want someone that makes you feel great about being you.
What Women Are Looking For In A Man
Now let’s take a look at what qualities women are seeking for in a man. You may find that this list will have some of the same as what men seek in women:
Honest
This is a MUST to have for both genders, keep things open and honest in your relationship.
Confidence
This is a very attractive quality to women; it can assure her that the man knows what he wants.
Maturity
Women want to date a man, not a little mama’s boy. One that can’t accept grown up life or make decisions that have to be made.
Kind
Kindness inspires confidence and is a sign of a man that has control and composure.
Intelligence
This can offer a sense of security to a woman. Also, another benefit is he is a problem solver, and always striving for improvements.
Independence
This shows strength, maturity and also, this is a good indicator he isn’t needy.
Motivated
This is a good sign that your man possesses leadership qualities and is going places.
Supportive
This trait is a must in friendship. Being the best of friends is a must in any relationship.
Sense of Humor
There is no way to have a fulfilling relationship without laughter and fun. Laughter is a perfect way to bring you close and bond.
Reliable
You have to know that you can count on your man to be there for you. Otherwise, why would you need him?
Faithful
A man making a woman feel safe and secure is a big attractive quality he could possess. However, if he cheats, he takes away all that security and builds distrust and negativity.
Respectful
Someone that shows respect is usually reciprocal. This offers a mature level playing field for both and makes communications far easier.
Intuitive
This makes a woman feel safe and secure when she knows her guy is listening. That he is paying attention to her feelings and needs, and responds accordingly.
Being Altruistic
This can be moving to see a man to be giving and genuinely want to help others.
Passionate
This is a sign of how deep a man can love. How intense his devotion could be in the relationship. Without some passion, your relationship can become stagnant.
Break The Cycle
In order to get a good guy, you have to understand what you really want. You need to look at what your taste in men have been up to this point. If all you your past choices have always turned into bad choices. You need to change your game. You do understand one of the definitions for insanity is right? Doing the same thing over and over, always with the same results.
As a man, I find it almost funny when I hear a woman complain about men. How all she wants is a good guy. The irony is when there are good guy standing around her in her life.
She ignores these guys because they are too nice or just friends. Repeatedly, she always, always goes right back after the same type of loser.
Women don’t pick loser, liars, users and abusive guys because that is what they want. They pick these types of trash because these guys provoke emotional responses. Women are emotional creatures. They also don’t know what they want. Combine these two characteristics and they get the loser boy trash.
You break the cycle by stop turning away the nice guys. There are many nice guys out there that want down your pants as much as a bad-boy. Many nice guys love to live on the edge and be exciting as much as those loser guys.
Learn From Your Mistakes
Would you keep sticking your finger in an electrical outlet only to get shocked every time? I am guessing, probably not. So why keep going after the same type of guy that is going to hurt you in the end? This is the part you need to take a closer look at yourself. Look deeply at who you are and what you really want. Have you ever really taken a look at who you are?
If you don’t who you are, how is anyone else going to get to know the real you? Until you know who you are, what in life really makes you happy. You are never going to get a good guy.
I can tell you, this dismissing a guy because he is nice crap, is pure stupidity. I am a nice guy and I am a giving and helpful. That is my surface persona, which is the real me. However, I am hell in bed, I love taking chances, I am spontaneous and I love being a flirt. All the qualities of a bad-boy. But most girls never see that part because I am dismissed for being too nice.
Don’t Be Stupid
So, instead of being stupid, give nice guys a chance. Granted, I will be the first to admit. There are some overly nice guys that are way over accommodating that gets on everyone’s nerves. Those are the guys you friendzone and move on.
Wouldn’t it be nice to have a guy that is going to wear you ass out in the bed all the time? But he also has a solid job, respects you, responds to your needs and is also a nice guy. All the while, knows how to keep you interested. Your mistake is acting of an emotion too quick. Give these nice guys a few tries before you blow them off.
Ask Yourself, Are You Really Ready?
As with anything, a firm foundation has to be in place before building anything that is going to last. Relationships are no different. If you are not really ready to be in a relationship, then any attempt will fail.
If you are not ready, the most you will get will be short-lived affairs. Mostly sexual flings, arguments, and hurt and that is about it. So, if you really want a more permanent status with a man. Let’s go over some things you need to make sure you have in place, before going any further.
Have you let go of your past relationship and I mean all of them?
Are you still hanging on to what some butthead did to you in the past? Maybe you’re taking that misery out on every guy you meet or keeping your distance. Perhaps you would rather be in love with a past failed relationship than to start something new and wonderful. If this is what you are doing, then plan on being alone and miserable from now on. The past is just that and you should move on and learn to trust again. Don’t let the losers of your past, manipulate a possibly great future with someone else.
How insecure are you?
Insecurity is a really bad attribute to have. It makes you question any potential partner as well as it makes you question yourself. Thus, this destroys your confidence. This leads to so many other problems, it cascades into not trusting and the ability to accept things. You have to find your best attributes and believe in those. Everyone has value, is unique and is special. Comparing oneself to others is one of the biggest reasons people become insecure. Stop comparing yourself and start focusing on what you like about you.
Do you understand Acceptance?
Accepting means you acknowledge what has happened, what is happening and what will happen. Deal with it in a mature positive manner and move on. Sadly, a great number of people do not get this and this is where problems start. You have to accept your man was married before or had a girlfriend before you. It is the past, everyone has one, let it go. You have to accept that everything you like he may not or he may share a different point of view.
You also have to accept him for who he is, do not try to change him. It is common for women to want to take on their man as a new project. Change the way he dresses or what he drives. What TV shows he watches or even get him new friends. Women are caretakers by nature, so this is partially genetic. However, realize when you are trying to change him, you are insulting him by ridiculing him. Also, by changing him, he will no longer be the guy you liked in the beginning.
Are you a Drama Queen?
It seems more people than not these days are hooked on drama. When women start overreacting to situations that really don’t even merit as a thought. This drives men away. You should be making memories, not drama. Life is too short to carry on like a lunatic over matters that are really stupid. Even if you found your man in bed with your best friend, why give him or anyone the satisfaction of going off like an insane lunatic? You will have a much better revenge to be mature and walk away.
To walk away with no emotion, makes them think you could care less. You are saying “Done is Done and Over!!!” By losing it and putting on a drama show, only lets him know that he has that much power and influence over you. By walking away just showed him who is in control and the better person is. Being calm will make him sorrier than throwing a fit.
Do you know how to respect a man?
Some women act like the man is a servant. That he should drop his life at that moment to accommodate hers. If he doesn’t, then she wants to claim his lack of loving her. One of the big ones is, her family is more important than his. I have met many of women that felt that her family is the most important, even over the relationship itself.
All of this is disrespectful and immature. Your relationship is between you and your man, no one else and both families should be treated equally. Actually, true friendship is support of each other and actually putting the other person’s concerns before your own. It is called partnership, a 50/50 deal. Is it really right to want his support if you are not going to do the same?
Can you be relaxed?
There’s something to be said about having a relaxed, carefree attitude when it comes to dating. It’s best to keep things cool, don’t become anxious. No matter if things are going great or not so great. If things are going better than you hoped it would, keep your cool and composure and let the magic build. Don’t be that one that has to read the end of the story first. Just go with it. Setting a relaxed atmosphere will progress things along much more pleasant and smoothly.
I have been on dates where the girl had to always try to predict what I was going to say or do. This was such a buzz kill. It was obvious she had to prove how smart she was, like we were in a contest. Be relaxed just means, just go with it, and see how things unveil.
Can you stay true to who you are?
You meet a great guy and drop your entire former life to be with him. This is not good for you or the newfound relationship. Maintaining your sense of self, friendships and passions keeps you balanced and also makes you a more desirable partner. This also keeps him always coming back for more. If you mirror his life, you become predictable and boring. If you fake a like, it is a lot to keep up with.
Are you mature?
If you get a good guy, one you can trust. Chances are, he will not be one to go party with his friends all night. He would want you to feel secure and do nothing to cause doubt. So why would you feel it is OK to run around with your friends to bars and such?
Being mature means understanding each other’s needs and concerns. Come to a mutual understanding that protects both you and your relationship. This is just an example, but being mature means respect your man and do what you can to show him that.
Do you enjoy head games and toying with a man’s feelings?
If you love to string men along because you can. Play head games just to feel the power. Then you are a terrible person and need to grow up. There are mean people out there. You may have had a man do you that way once. That isn’t an excuse or right to make all men pay.
It wasn’t all men that did you wrong and really the only one you are hurting is yourself. Because in the end, you will be the one all alone because you made it impossible to ever be loved. So, if you want love, drop the games, open up your heart and let someone in to love you.
If you have all the above in check and or can improve on any that I mentioned. Then you are well on your way of being able to figure out how to get a good guy. Like I said, you have to ensure your foundation is ready before adding to it.
How To Get A Good Guy
By now you are wondering what you can actually do to get a good guy. From above, we have looked at yourself, that is where it begins. If you are all good, you know yourself and know what you want, now what? Follow the below suggestions and I think you will start seeing positive results. As a guy, I feel this hit where it will make the most difference and create much success.
Don’t lower your standards
Make sure the one you are interested in is going to respect you. That is someone that would fit into your lifestyle and what you believe in.
Don’t be clingy and needy
Show you have respect for yourself and keep the mystery about you. Granted, a guy likes to know that a girl is into him so I wouldn’t hide that, just keep it cool.
Follow the Golden Rule
That means apply the same rules to yourself that you would him. A good guy will in fact notice this, they just don’t scream it out. For example. If you want to try finding his ticklish spots. Then don’t complain one bit if he tries finding yours in return.
Don’t go on about how you “don’t NEED a man!” or make comments, “men this or men that” if you don’t want him treating you the same way. DO, on the other hand, treat him–and others–with respect, dignity, and honor. Others will notice too, and who knows. If they know you want a good guy, they just might introduce you to one!
Respect yourself and show it
Whenever you show that you have respect and dignity for yourself. A good will show you the respect that you are looking for. If he seems to care less what you think or say, then this is not a good guy and you need to walk away.
Don’t be afraid to show what you are feeling or say what is on your mind
If he is a good guy, he is going to listen and react with respect and understanding. Not judge or ridicule you. If you feel like making a move, like a hug, a peck on the cheek or whatever, then do it. Part of you wanting a good guy is because you want that type of relationship. Where openness and honesty is the playing field you are both on. Be playful, kid around with him because laughter is a positive emotion and that only works in both your favors.
Treat him with respect
Making fun, or criticizing men, is first off a negative approach to finding any kind of relationship. Going back to the Golden Rule. If you don’t want him dissing women, then don’t disrespect men. Some women will use this as a test to see how nice the guy is. To see if he just takes or if he will stand up for himself. A good guy might let you carry on that way. However, you are damaging your relationship. Creating doubt which isn’t the best way to start off a relationship.
Don’t play head games
Remember this is showing disrespect and destroying trust on both sides. Again, you can’t go into a new relationship carrying all the bad that happened from a previous relationship. Leave all the testing your man at the door and just go with the flow. Learn to be open and communicate or you will keep repeating this failure over and over. If you do it because you can, something to do to make you feel powerful. Plan on being alone till you die. I know a girl that is afraid of commitment, so she uses head games to avoid being committed to someone. If you are aware that you play head games, figure out why and stop it!!
Ask yourself why you want a relationship
Are you trying to fill a void, fill up time in your bored life or are you genuinely ready for love? You need to make sure that you are wanting a good guy for the right reason. Don’t get into a relationship just because, you never want to just settle in a relationship.
Understand the differences in communications
Men in general often miss a woman’s subtle hints such as things she might say or certain body languages. This is just how most men are wired and something that they could improve on for sure. No matter how manly a man is or not, they tend to not be direct. Women are more emotional. So, if they have an emotion driving what they want to say, you will hear it.
Men need to be a little more direct but also intuitive. Women need to think a little more before they speak. The key to the best communications in a relationship is understanding. If both fully trust and understand that neither one would purposely say anything to hurt the other. Then both can talk about anything.
Just go with it and be cool
Don’t be controlling or demanding. Don’t be clingy or possessive either. You don’t want to come off as moody or high maintenance. Plus, by endeavoring in these negative emotions, you are robbing yourself of just relaxing and enjoying life. You may have always dreamed how the perfect date or the perfect wedding would be. However, dating and being with someone means, “It’s Not All About YOU.”
Have a life
Meaning don’t hang your entire existence on some guy. This will ruin a relationship faster than anything. A good guy will tolerate it for a short while, but this will run him off fast. You need to be comfortable with what life you have. This allows you to become independent. Remember, men like independent women just as women like independent men. Share your lives with each other, don’t try to possess them.
Just Be Yourself
This is the most important one of them all. Men can’t fake confidence, at least not for very long. So, it is only logical you can’t fake being someone you are not. A really good guy is going to fall for the real you. Even if you are quirky or just have ways about you that you know isn’t always liked by others. Don’t try and hide who you are at all, just be open about the real you. There is nothing wrong when you first meet to make a good impression. However, when you hide who you are, a good guy will not take you seriously and he will go away.
There Is Expert Help You Can Get
When it comes to men. There seems to be an overkill of help for them. Websites, businesses, coaches and information to aid men in finding the right woman. Ways to master online dating and or to just get a sex partner.
But for women, there seems to be less of these resources and not much help. Women often have it harder in trying to find someone than the men do. Men seem to be easier to please and women have a level of standards.
When it comes right down to it, women don’t want just a good guy, they are really wanting a great one. Often times than not, good guys get stuck in the Friend Zone. Most of the time it is the good guy’s fault. They need to be the ones to overcome that and I promote programs that can help them.
If you still feel like you need help. I mean a professional with a background of years of experience and a high success rate of helping women. You can look into this high-level coach below. He helps you deal with your frustrations, doubts and fears. The program helps you embrace the present and your future. All the while building your confidence.
As long as you are fragile, angry or hurting. Getting a good guy, finding the right one will be near impossible. If you feel if that finding the right guy would fix you, then you are going to be highly disappointed. Check out this coach below and see if he can’t help.
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