The dreaded “Friend Zone”, it isn’t the best place to be in. It seems so many men and women are stuck in this scenario. Why you may ask? Is it because people have lost the art of flirting? Maybe women have higher expectations or that men are just not men anymore. It’s said, to “just be yourself.” That this is the best way to win a woman’s heart. However, men quickly find themselves locked into the Friend Zone. You see a woman you are really interested in, but you might feel you have to be someone else to get her romantic attention. This means you aren’t being yourself. Being nice and buying her stuff isn’t working. Doing favors and always complimenting only seems to be burying you deeper in the friend-zone. So what do you do, “How To Make Her Want You”?
Such A Confusing Trap
A lot of men find themselves in the “Nice Guy Trap.” This means you meet a woman and you do all the things you feel is being nice. In the end, she rejects you as a romantic partner because she doesn’t want a nice guy.
Men then often take this seemingly insanity, as the woman has issues. Apparently she doesn’t want a nice guy, she wants a guy that treats her like crap. But talk about insanity. After he fails with one girl by being too nice. He goes right back out and does the whole campaign all over again with the next girl. All the while, still leaving him wondering how to make her want you. Is there a way I can I make her want me?
When you think about it, this is known as madness. You realize that repeating the same failing method over and over is a form of insanity, right? People need to learn from their mistakes and figure another way. Not to rinse and repeat failure, over and over. Too many guys feel compliments, spending money, buying gifts and doing special favors is going to put them in the love zone. All this really does is make you a doormat. Women will certainly use a guy as a doormat and not even mean to. It is their way of testing you to see if you are a man or a mouse. Remember, they want to date men.
The Comfort Zone
So why do men fall into this pattern of madness, doing the same failing routine over and over? The truth of it is, men want to stay in their comfort zone. Being nice and humble is a great facade to hide behind. So when you think you are being yourself, going out of your way to be nice, you’re not at all. Crazy right?
When a man acts nice and humble and not just with the ladies but everywhere. This is hiding and keeping yourself out of the competitive light. Women always admire and look at other women right? They do this in a competitive way. You find many women are strongly attracted and desire married men. I know this because when I was married, I could have had 3 different women a day it seemed. Then I got divorced and became invisible.
Nice And Safe
We men often hide in our comfort zones to reduce confrontation with other men. We also spare our egos a blow by not being bold enough to a woman to tell her exactly what we want in fear of rejection. It is nice and safe but I can tell you, the nice and safe approach will never work.
Women want a Man to sweep her off her feet, to excite her, to let her know what he wants. By being a boring, meek and mild manner Clark Kent gets you no where. Don’t get me wrong. People will appreciate you being a nice and sweet guy. I don’t think you should ever lose those attributes, but respect, admiration and desire is gained by so much more. Women don’t want to be used and abused. It is just that the men that will treat a woman badly, provokes an attraction in women.
Be A Great One, Not A Nice One
Let’s say you are out and you see a girl that is a 12 on a scale from 1 to 10. She is hot, but the first thing in your mind is she would be too much effort to attract. You might think she only wants a guy that has great looks, money and status. I can tell you that isn’t true. She is like all other women, she wants a great guy, not a nice guy.
It is so easy to play the blame game and turn it around, and say it’s the women that doesn’t know what they want. And yes, a woman will be the first to tell you that this is often the case. However, they really do know what they want. They just need a real man to help them see this. All a man has to do is be a great guy.
Think about it, being “Nice” is also kind of bland, forgettable and replaceable. So why would a 12 level girl or any level of girl, want someone that doesn’t display some form of a unique quality? When you think about it, as a guy, you don’t want this blandness in a woman. So why would she want that either?
It Seems Women Always Want The Wrong Guy
You often see a woman you would love to have, out with a guy you know is a dirtbag-user. A guy that is a real piece of crap and you know he isn’t right for her. It leaves you scratching your head on how that happened. Most men automatically think it is the woman who is messed up. That most women want to be treated that way. The truth is, dirtbag-user guys are exciting to a woman.
These bad boys challenge women. They don’t care to tell her what they want. And they can because they don’t care if they get that specific girl or not. If they don’t get that one, they move on to the next. Now obviously you don’t want to be a scumbag like that. If you are reading this, it more than likely means you have a genuine heart. You don’t want to have to go out and treat a woman that way just to get your foot in the door.
Women don’t want to be treated badly and when they say they want a nice gut, they mean it. A bad boy sparks attraction in a woman by triggering emotional responses from her. I know men like to poke fun of women being all emotional and illogical. However, how many men do you know that think clearly and logical when they are in an emotional up-rise? Women act on and respond to emotional stimulus. This explains why women get hot and bothered over a man they just had a heated argument with. The emotions trigger a biochemical reaction that control a woman’s desires. The hardest thing for a woman is to let go of what the brain is telling her and follow her heart.
The Friend Zone Is Bad
So many men hope to at least get put in the friend zone. They hope that one day they’ll get promoted. Promoted to being that guy the girl says, “Where have you been my whole life?” Well that is never going to happen. Quit thinking that way, it never has worked and never will.
As crazy and unappealing as it may sound, getting a woman all comes down to marketing. Your first thought might be you being someone you are not. This isn’t the case. Everyone has great attributes, but when we go out in the world, we rarely show them. We find it safer to hide them, to reduce risk of being ridiculed for them.
This is one of the reasons the dirtbag-user guys get what they want. They don’t care what anyone thinks, so they show their attributes off, good or bad. When you want to get a promotion at work, don’t you try by showing some of the things you are good at? Put forth some of the qualities you have you don’t normally show? So is this being fake, not true to yourself? No, you are just letting some of those attributes shine.
Show Them Who You Really Are
When it comes to romance, pick at least three good qualities about yourself and let that be known. If you’re funny, a really a positive person, or you have a big heart. Maybe you love animals, kids or if you are good with your hands. Perhaps you just love to help people, show these qualities. Show these qualities with confidence and that you are proud to have them. Don’t act like you should be ashamed of them. Confidence is the biggest key winner with women anyway. You don’t want to brag about your good traits either. Bragging will kill your chances right away. Women look at men who brag as insecure.
Just Be You
Confidence isn’t something that can be easily faked either. Women have a natural built in radar, and they can tell when I guy isn’t really being himself. So find your attributes and market that, not hide it. Remember, you don’t want to be someone that is forgettable. As crazy as it sounds, I have had more girls in my day to fall for me because I wasn’t afraid to show my passion for something. I would show my passions for nerdy things like Star Trek, or throw on my Superman cape and act silly. Sometimes it would be just sharing my ideas of how I would like to see the world. Even things like wearing jeans with holes, a dirty ball cap and a shop towel hanging from my pocket. The strangest things provoked emotional responses.
My example is standing out from the rest. This is saying that you are not afraid or ashamed of the things you like. These things make you who you are. Granted, if you take a girl who loves Bambi out to hunt, you may lose on that one. You have to use some common sense plus you want to listen to her. Listening will help you learn what she likes. You may find you’re not interested in her at all. There is no need to act like or feel like she is the only girl you will ever meet. Remember, there are more women than they are men, so keep that in mind.
What Women Want
By hiding behind this facade of being a nice guy, you are limiting your potential. Let’s think about what I said, about “Marketing”. So how does marketing work? If you were selling hot dogs, where is the best place to sell them? If you took your hot dog cart out to the desert or maybe on the shoulder of a California high speed interstate. Do you think you are going to sell many? If you want to make her want you, learn how to market yourself.
What if you took that cart and parked it outside on the corner of a busy New York intersection. You set up right before the lunch hour? It is all about knowing your audience. With women, you need to know what they are looking for. The truth is, no matter if a woman could tell you exactly what they want or not. The one thing they do want knowingly or not, is a confident man. A man that can take her to the moon and back. Might sound like a tall order, but maybe not as much as you think. Confidence is key to make her want you, plain and simple.
Men And Women Want The Same Things
Women want the same thing we men want, someone with confidence. They want a man that is comfortable with himself. One who can thrill them, one they can have good sex with and someone they can eventually fall in love with. Can you really deny that isn’t what we men really want as well? This is your target audience, a woman that wants what you want.
Don’t you want a woman that you find exciting and makes you feel things you can’t explain? This is what women want, they want the same things. However, if you go up to her too afraid to even say your name. Your fear sounding like you are bothering her. You may be viewed less than the friend zone and more of an annoyance. Would you want a woman coming up to you all nervous and stuttering? Of course not, you want a confident woman, and that is what she wants.
What seems to be missing in the world today, is “Magic”. Remember how you felt when you were a kid, the first time you saw a girl you liked? How it made you feel all messed up inside? Happy, scared and excited all at the same time? That was magic, and why should that ever go away just because you are an adult?
It is so sad we live in a time where everyone is in such a hurry and so busy. When they do meet someone, it becomes a speed date process. Example: “Hey you’re hot, like your ass, let’s skip the boring parts, jump into bed.” Then you wonder what went wrong. This may sound stupid but many people are taking this approach and killing the magic.
Aim for the best and stop settling. If you meet a girl that is everything you want, don’t sell yourself out, go for it. Women would rather not settle, so why should you? How many failed or failing relationships do you see today? Often they fail, because the two just settled instead of going for what they really wanted. When you settle, not only are you cheating yourself but the other person as well. When you think about it, to “just settle” with someone is about the same as using them.
How many times in your life, you took a job, bought a car or a house that you picked out of an immediate need? Perhaps you just didn’t want to put any more effort in looking because you had no patients. After a short time, you were miserable with your choice? So why would dating, picking the woman you really want be any different. Going back to being the nice guy, ask yourself this. Are you really being a nice guy, if you choose a girl that isn’t really what you want? But you did anyway because it was easier. Only to have it blow up in total disaster in the end. All you really accomplished is completely crushing and hurting the girl?
Is this being nice or being selfish? Does using a girl like that make you any better than Mr. dirt-bag? Go after what you want. If you won’t make the effort to get what you really want, then maybe you need to take time to evaluate yourself. Figure out where you really want to be in life and decide if being alone might fit you better.
Keep The Power
Way more than it should be, men give all the power to the woman. Men let the women make all the decisions and that isn’t what they want. Women want a confident man to make decisions, have focus and delivers. Stop being the one to be selected and start being the one to select. That is much more appealing than to stand there like a school kid in a line up hoping to be picked to be the star in a play. So what defines a confident man?
- Having a strong character and a strong sense of reality
- Take certainty in your actions and words, meaning think about what you do and what you are fixing to say
- Being consistent, this shows that you can be counted on and trusted
- Don’t be afraid to take the lead, sitting back and hiding hoping someone else will just shows you can’t be counted on and that you don’t know what you want
- When you are with a woman, make her feel desired and protected, this of course doesn’t mean smother her where she can’t move but there are ways to make her feel sexy and wanted and at the same time and secure and safe with you
These tips can help you develop a self-marketing strategy. This doesn’t mean a way to teach yourself how to be someone you are not. These tips are to help you incorporate better traits into your core values of who you really are. It isn’t going to happen overnight either, but in a very short time with awareness and practice, you will achieve confidence.
Unfortunately being the nice guy hides these traits, women can’t see them even if you have them. You have to step up your game, step up to the table and market yourself to let women know you have what it takes. When talking to a girl, head nodding and things of a polite attachment is doomed from the get go. Also, taking the above tips and use them as if you were reading instructions, will brand you as fake. Learn to be comfortable with who you are and don’t worry if a girl is going to like you. When you stop caring so much what she thinks of you, will start attracting her.
If you have any questions or thoughts, please leave me a comment and I will try and get back to you as soon as I can.
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