Have you been trying to get out and date with not so favorable results? Does it seem that every time you put yourself out there, try and reach out to someone, it blows up in your face? Or every time you meet someone, it’s either they don’t live up to your expectations or you don’t seem to fill theirs?
It can be so disheartening, ego bruising and a destruction of your self-esteem and self-confidence. There is a reason why people fail at dating, it is due to no prerequisites for dating and have you guessed what the prerequisites are? That’s right my friend, it’s all you.
So what does that mean, prerequisites for dating? I can tell you that it is more than rules for dating or advice for dating, it is something that only you can develop for yourself. Have you ever heard the saying, “Life Is What You Make of It”? I am not sure everyone gets its meaning, some do. It is all about your outlook on life and your attitude.
So if you are trying to date but approach it with all sorts of doubts and negativity and the lack of confidence, do you really think you are going to get positive results? It’s like playing any sports, let’s say baseball. If you go up to bat already convinced you will strike out, more than likely that is what is going to happen and the same applies in life. If you go into work and you are a candidate for a promotion but you are so convinced that you will not get it, chances are, you won’t.
So if you go up to a girl wanting to start a successful relationship, with the attitude that it is already doomed for failure, that persona is going to show and you just killed your chances before you even got out of the gate. In essence you need the ultimate game changer, which is confidence so to speak.
–The Past Should Be Left In The Past–
I understand that many people have terrible and horrible back stories of how their Ex broke their heart, nearly killed them physically or emotionally or both. The Ex’s stole their money, slept with their best friend, their brother, their father or all of them at the same time and the tragic stories can go on and on.
It is terrible and there are lessons to be learned from these experiences but is it really right to let all that bad that others caused, ruin your chances at real happiness with someone you really deserve? Don’t let the bad guys win in the end by implanting a permanent memory that creates a barrier to stop you from ever loving again.
Leave all of that behind you and move on, reach deep inside you and find the love and passions you were born with. After all, you don’t want to be dating your past nor do you want to bring all that baggage with you into a new relationship. Let those past experiences be a mystery because the number one attractive quality anyone can have is an aura of mystery surrounding them. Turn the bad into something usable…
“Your Comfort Zone”
We all build walls and eventually turn into the walking dead, we get up and take care of our kids, go to work, come home, mow the yard, cook, clean house, pay bills and go to bed and get back up and do it all over again. This is known as a routine but also a rut. And what is sad is that we make this our comfort zone and become defensive of it.
Don’t you know, we are born to enjoy life, we all deserve it. Life is short and when it is over, who really wants to know that all they can show for their life was an awesome checklist of chores they got done? So when it comes to dating, it is actually a threat to our comfort zone, it means compromising, to accommodate another life into yours and this more often than not produces negative thoughts.
So what to do, you are tired of being alone, tired of never kissing, holding hands, making love and doing anything with someone for companionship. You want love in some form or another in your life but at the same time, another life creates more effort to fit them in your dull routine.
All you really know is your routine, (your rut) and you are so afraid to give that up because even though you are not happy with it, it feels safe. This is where you create prerequisites to date and the first one to address is the question, “what do you really want?”
What Do You Really Want?
You are the only one that can answer that question, no one else can tell you what is best for you or what you need to do, because in the end, you are the one that has to live with your decisions, not someone else.
If you think you can be happy living in your routine and rut and can agree with yourself that you will be happy for the rest of your life living like that, then you are the one to take joy in your life decision regardless of how others think your life should be.
Improve Yourself – Not Change Yourself
You may have heard the phrase, “Follow Your Heart”? However if you want to change your life, make new friends, meet someone, then you have to accept that you are going to have to make some life changes. When I say making life changes, this doesn’t mean change the person you are, you never want to be someone you really aren’t.
You just need to make changes, adjustments and maybe some improvements to your perception, attitude and outlook. Of course after deciding what you really want, comes the determination, the drive and commitment to make what you want a reality and this can be the toughest part of the whole process. This is actually the part that men stop, back down and give up because trying to figure how to get it all into play with minimal disruption to their rut they are living is the breaking point.
So now you know what you want but you are faced with a huge hurtle, so now what? You want to live again and date but what do you need to do to accomplish this? There are tons of programs, products, boot-camps, eBooks and more that claim will get you a date and the girl you want fast but here is where these all fail.
Anything you could invest your money in will not work and fail because of YOU!! In order for any advice, free or paid, will only work if you let yourself become passionate about it. If you lack the passion and drive to succeed at anything, you will fail. So let’s say you are dedicated to succeed at dating and finding that woman you really want, what actions do you need to take to make it happen?
The real truth about success at anything is “Marketing” and following through with what you started. People hear the word marketing and think of sales, commercials and advertising and even though this sounds crazy, this is what you need to learn to do for yourself.
If you were trying to sell your old car, are you going to go and shovel dirt all over it, kick in the sides, break the glass and make sure the engine will never run again? Heck no, you are going to wash it, polish it, make sure the interior is clean, that you can see out the glass and that it starts and runs good.
Would you not think this logical line of thinking wouldn’t apply to yourself if you are trying to get a date? Also, if you don’t follow through with marketing yourself and generally make the best effort you can to better yourself, you will end right back where you started. It is always easier to do nothing than to try. This is the difference between winners and losers, so which do you want to be?
Looks Aren’t Everything
But this car scenario is about appearance and when it comes to people, there is way more than just the looks. Let’s say you are extremely interested in the new girl in the office. She is incredibly beautiful, smart and funny and you just are feeling that passion for her.
Well obviously you want to look nice for her but again, looks aren’t everything. You are now faced with a marketing task and marketing one’s self isn’t always easy. You don’t want to dress like someone you aren’t, so wearing a suit and tie every day to impress her isn’t the best choice. It would be better to just make sure that the pants or shirts you are wearing didn’t come out of the dirty close hamper.
Do the common sense things like groom, bathe and present yourself in a way that says, you are confident and proud of who you are. Again, the looks aren’t the deciding factor, you also have attitude and outlook and this equals “body language”.
If you approach her apologizing for bothering her on top of you nervously and hesitantly ask her out, you just FAILED. However if you walk up to her and act like you are God’s gift to women and she is lucky to be breathing the same air as you, that isn’t going to work to well either. This is where the saying, “Just be yourself” comes from.
Your Marketing Attributes
You want to be you, I mean if you pretended to be the guy you thinks she wants so you can get her, are you going to be able to pretend the rest of your life if you ended up married to her? More than likely not and you wonder why we have high divorce rates.
We all have something unique about us, things we are good at and things we are interested in and ideas and beliefs. These are attributes and these are what you want to be confident about and these are things you include in your marketing. So professional marketers, ones’ that are good at their job and have a high success rate believe in their campaigns, what they are promoting.
Would you buy a household cleaner from someone if they were marketing like the product was questionable and didn’t even know if it worked? You have to do this with yourself, you approach that hot girl in the office with doubt about yourself and emanating your insecurities, why would she be interested?
Believe In What You’re Selling
In marketing, you have to believe in what you are selling 100%, you can’t really have a long lasting success if you are trying to fake your faith in your product. Same goes with yourself, before you go after the woman you want, you have to strongly believe in yourself or it will show off.
I am sure you see these players out in the world who can get any woman they want and you are scratching your head trying to figure out how, especially when the player isn’t that much too look at. Well these players are 100% confident that they want down the girl’s pants or want to mooch off the girl’s bank account. They are 100% confident if they can’t charm the girl, they will move on to the next until they get one.
They are fishing, they are good at it and they do not care about the woman’s feelings. Just the lack of not genuinely caring makes them appear challenging, a mystery and attractive. You can learn from these scum suckers in part but you don’t want to ever be one of them. The key thing here to learn is that these low life type of men approach the woman with the hidden lack of really caring if they succeed or not.
To clarify, when you approach a woman you want to ask out or get to know, don’t approach her like she is the only girl in the world and if she doesn’t go out with you, your life is over. This advertises NEEDY and no one wants to be smothered by needy people and this applies to both men and women. You really can’t fake confidence, women have a natural tuning fork for these kind of things so you will need to develop it honestly.
Building Your Confidence
I know it sounds hard to just up and have your confidence unleashed and you are not going to do it in an hour but it can be done. The very first thing you have to do in building confidence and improving your life, is to put all the bad crap in your past behind you.
As mentioned, you are trying to move forward, not stay involved in a dead life that was horrible many moons ago. The key here is keep moving forward, not go back or just stand there and become stagnant.
The next thing is to make a list of your positive traits and attributes. Think about times you were given a compliment on an idea, something you said that was insightful or smart. Think about some of your accomplishments no matter how silly or small they may seem and looking at these, you will discover some of your positive attributes.
The real trick to it is that you have to like yourself before anyone else is going to, so you have to believe that you have much to offer anyone and are a worthwhile person. Everybody wants to compare themselves to someone else and part of this is healthy because we all should always be looking to improve ourselves. But on the other hand you can’t feel less about yourself from comparing yourself to others.
Everyone has a place in this world. Most everyone has jobs and every job has a purpose like a cog in wheel. People without jobs inspire others to have them, just like some people who smoke inspire other not to. Everyone has a purpose just like everything happens for a reason. So get past the philosophical aspects of life and learn to move forward and take joy in everything.
Prerequisites For Dating List
So let’s summarize everything I have gone over. There is a lot and much, much more that I haven’t covered but this is a start. Some people love check list and others can live without them but in this case, it will be much easier to go over what you have just read…
- Know what you really want, set that as a goal and start acting on what needs to be done to achieve your goal
- Life is what you make of it, a negative outlook, a pessimistic attitude will only bring the reflecting results. Be positive and optimistic and don’t let failures set you back, learn and keep moving forward
- Leave the past in the past, sure, many lessons there for you to find but you don’t want to bring all the bad or another life dead and gone into a new life
- Get out of your comfort zone, stop defending the rut you live in. Learn how to incorporate your routines into a successful life without letting the rut of a routine own you
- Learn the power of acceptance, things happen you can’t always plan for. This is no reason to stop moving forward. Never put all your eggs in one basket so to speak, things will go wrong, so the sooner you accept that, the sooner you are prepared to deal with them
- Know and believe that you deserve happiness as much as the next guy and know that you are a worthwhile person
- Do not pretend to be someone you’re not, just improve on who you already are. Find your best attributes and bring those forward, stop hiding them
- Truly believing in yourself is going to be your best marketing tactic you will have
- Be confident, take the steps to believe in who you are
- Don’t come across needy by banking your whole existence on one woman. You have a life as well and many things to do yourself besides camp out at a woman’s feet hoping for her to notice you
- Women can tell if you are faking confidence, so become it before writing checks you can’t cash
- Remember that you have a purpose in life the same as anyone else, so be happy and proud of who you are
Don’t Be Afraid To Be Fun And Silly
Imagine how far you could go, how much you could achieve if you were a man of no fear. Well to a point, every man has to have a little fear to make him cautious and improve his wisdom but when it comes to love and getting the woman you want, don’t you think dating would be far more successful if you could remove the limitations your mind sets because of fear?
One time while I was at the mall, every time I saw a really pretty girl, I went right up to her and asked if she had a boyfriend. For those that said yes, I asked if they would like to trade in for the new and improved model, for those that said no, I asked if they would like to have one.
Now as crazy and silly as a thing like that sounds to do, I actually got three dates form just being silly, not taking it serious and really just having fun. The point to my craziness is that being bold enough and letting go of my inhibitions allowed me to be someone that girls found different.
The Truth Can Hurt But Don’t Let it – Use It To Better Yourself
So for all you men that have been given all the great dating advice that never has worked, leave all that behind you, don’t keep trying the same failing methods over and over. If first you don’t succeed, try something else next. You are no longer a child, you are a man now and being a man means you should be able to handle truths about life and yourself.
In order to truthfully succeed at getting the woman you want, you have to have confidence, there is no other way. Part of getting confidence means taking constructive criticism, no one is perfect and all of us have habits and do things we are not aware of. I found for men, the best advice on dating women is from other women.
I ran across a dating coach who is very beautiful but also very direct and tells you like it is. She has many years and a very long line of happy men that she has helped. This amazing woman created a very nice DVD set that can restore a confident life back into any man. Confidence is the way to success and once you develop it, there is a whole lot more than just dating and women you can take on.
As long as you as you maintain negative though patterns such as uncertainty, anxiety, shame and being apologetic, you will live under the shadow of being unconfident. The ways to be confident, to succeed are things like self-belief, certainty, enthusiasm, positive thinking and being eager to discover.
FREE Play-By-Play Attraction Guide
Start Building Your Confidence Tonight!
Learn this flow chart to start turning those awkward conversations into dates. This guide will get you past not knowing what to say next. Learn her signals if she is receptive or if you are wasting your time. Start building your dating confidence and be in control for once...