Romance in the 21st Century, how different are romance and dating now compared to 25 to 30 years ago? To me, it seemed there was always magic in the air decades ago. Now, not so much, is it just me or is it all different somehow? What has changed, and is it really for the better?
Bravery Behind The Keyboard
The idea of romance and dating are somewhat different today than they were let’s say 25 to 30 years ago. Romance in the 21st century are similar, but really different, especially in this new age of communications and technology. Reaching out is so easy but also so shielded. Think how much more confident you feel to tell someone off or say you love them in a text or email. It’s a whole lot different to face them in person.
Men and Women are so much braver behind the keyboard or their phones when it comes to anything passionate or romantic. Years ago, we all had to be a little tougher and braver. If you wanted to ask someone out, it had to be done a little more personal than how it is now. So your reaction to a rejection or acceptance was witnessed by the pursue-e. So back then, there was a way, a style or trait on how to be. Believing in yourself was key then. But now, romance in the 21st century, it’s all new methods to the madness.
With such an easy “reach out and touch someone”, “no real risk” communications plane, options and prospects are more plentiful than before. This is really sad in some ways. What kind of effort does it really take to send an email or text? How much of yourself are you really putting out there hiding behind technology?
People have no real risk sitting behind a keyboard or pad of a device. You hear it all the time, how someone got dumped in a text or email. People are far more brave when not face to face. Taking such an in-personable approach to a relationship could have serious repercussions.
What You Get Out, Is What You Put In
If romancing in the 21st century is more technological than true heart felt effort, what kind of relationship could you really have? I feel the world has gone crazy, everyone is glued to social media. Even worse, people actually hold “LIKES” as some sort of high value, more so than real likes by real human beings. Technology can be a great thing if used properly but it may be more of downfall than an uprising.
Relationships, no matter just plain friendship or romantic, are really valuable. If all you put into it is something virtual, what do you think you are really going to get out of it? Real friendships, real romances, require an effort on both parts.
I hear many make the statement that they have hundreds of friends on social media that support them and have their back. I feel sad for people that really believe that. A true friend or a true love, has your back by physically being by your side. They take time out of their lives, to be with you because they feel you are worth it. Taking seconds to give a thumbs up or writing a couple of sentences is not really having your back.
A relationship is like a precision machine. If all you put into keeping it going is old used motor oil and watered down fuel. All your going to get out of it is and under-preforming piece of equipment that will soon die. But if you keep it maintained with frequent new oil changes and high octane fuel, it will last forever. Not only last but deliver high performance. People are no different. If you only put in enough, just to keep your foot in the door, eventually the door will be closed.
Now here is where technology can be a good thing, but often turns into something bad. Having the world at your fingertips to look for love is a great idea and if done correctly can work well. However, many use dating sites for the equivalent as a hook up place like a bar. Again, that isn’t necessarily a bad thing if that is all you want but it come with dangers.
If you are looking for romance , true love or marriage, done correctly, the internet is great. What I mean by being done correctly, you use the online dating service to exchange greetings, ideas, and to learn a little about each other. Then you have to meet and do things together to further getting to know each other.
Too many people are in too big a hurry in the 21st century. They say their hello’s, which is about two or three times back and forth in messages. Then they meet, have sex and then wonder why it didn’t last. Some people have gotten robbed, raped or beat up rushing to meet someone too quickly. Why are we all in such a fired hurry these days? Again, you get out what you put in, you rush it, it burns out just as fast.
Marketing Yourself Online
With online dating, you have to make a great first impression. You have to create an attractiveness about yourself to make someone want to know more. Basically, you are having to create a campaign to sell yourself. This is marketing, plain and simple.
Meeting someone in person for the first time requires a little polish of who you are but not marketing. When in person, you should really just be yourself. If that person likes the real you, you have something real. However, how do you just be yourself online?
In today’s time, relationships seem more about games, but online, that’s all it is. In online dating, the guys have to market themselves in a way that is all fake or a lie. Girls, well all they have to do is place a picture on a profile and guys start blasting messages.
For the guys to catch interest of a girl on a dating site, there has to be a campaign made. They have to place the right kind of pictures. Pictures showing them with friends and at parties and such to show they are exciting. They have to write about how wonderful and fulfilling their life is. Why, so they don’t seem boring and get put into the friend zone.
Women are really to blame for their own misery when it comes to dating. If a guy wrote about being a single full-time dad, goes to a regular job and pays his bills. Well most women would click on next. They want the guy that writes about being awesome, does super fantastic unreal stuff and looking for a good time. BAM!!! That is the one they are looking for, not the responsible loving man, that is “boring”.
What Women Look For In Online Dating
If you research what women are looking for on a dating site, it usually states a “lasting relationship”. Don’t believe that, because it isn’t true. You have to understand, most women don’t know what they want and they will be the first to admit that. Women are emotional creatures and their emotions are what guide them. They may get on a site looking for marriage but be taken in by a guys’ profile that is just going out for fun.
A man’s profile has to strike an emotional response to get her remotely interested in checking you out. Most men think it’s all looks but for women that’s not it. Men on the other hand are like little puppy dogs being lead by a treat. They see a hot girl in a profile picture and they don’t go any further to read, they found them a woman.
Women are mostly attracted to men with confidence. A man that knows what he wants and does what it takes to get it. Because for a man to do what it takes, also shows power. So for the men that think all women want good looks, money and nice things, you got it wrong. How many times have you seen a hot girl with a guy that doesn’t look much above homeless?
Women are looking for a man that can provoke a positive emotional response. When it comes to online dating, the man has the harder part. He is the one that has to create the profile that is going to attract the type of girl he wants. Women are looking for a man that can instill confidence, power and going somewhere.
Trending In The 21st Century
In the 1960’s you had Bell-Bottoms, Beatlemania and Go-Go Boots. Then in the 70’s there was Platform Shoes, Tie-Dye Shirts and Hot Pants. For the 80’s, Big Hair Perms, Spandex, Mullets and Leg Warmers. In the 90’s we had Baggy Trousers and Jeans, Backward Hats and Bold Sneakers. Then came the 2nd millennium, the 21st Century and all of its more permanent trends.
Tattoos , piercings, Botox, plastic surgeries and hard core working out. Basically the millennium became all about image. So is this a good thing? I think not… This means that deep true feelings, connections and commitments just got shallow. Before it wasn’t so much how you looked, but the person you were inside. A person’s uniqueness was based on how they presented themselves in their style and personality. Now it is all about how big your butt is and how many tattoos you got.
Many years ago, tattoos actually had real meaning. Take people in the military for an example. They got tattoos of the unit, squadron, platoon and so on, placed on their arms or backs. This was to signify pride and sentimentality of a grouped they served with. Even before then, tribes had their own tattoos to show brotherhood.
Not anymore, people say they get a tattoo to signify some meaning but then it grows into a body art that leaves to bare skin in sight. People seem to forget that one of the sexiest parts of the body is bare skin. There is nothing sexier that to run your mouth up a sexy stomach on a girl. Well it was, now it would be like licking a newspaper article or a blotchy ink spot painting. All I can say is, I’ll pass.
There is nothing more of a turn off, to find your partner has ink all around or on, their private parts. All that really says is they have no modesty and they don’t care who touches them or where. Tattoo artist are not doctors and really have no business touching the private areas.
But the trend now, is to get as many as you can and be covered from head to toe, so you can be considered something unique. This seems to be what people feel is going to promote better connections and a better romance but is it really?
Body piercings have one advantage over tattoos, they can be removed pretty easy. However, I feel this is a sense of perversion. Especially for those that get their genitals pierced. Again, this is really saying that they don’t care who touches them or where.
Have any of these people ever been in a nasty restroom stall with all the filthy writing on the walls? How many times have you seen, Joe was here”, or “I played with your girlfriend last night”. Well, what is the difference when I guy pulls off a girl’s pants for the first time, and there it is. A piercing where no one should ever be pierced. All that is saying is, “Joe was here”.
I can understand people wanting to do something to make themselves feel sexy and unique. But has people’s imaginations or even common sense gone to hell in a hand-basket? There are many things a person can do to feel sexier, than to have someone pierce their bodies all over.
Nipples can be very erotic for both men and women and both giving and receiving. I know from experience how that whole experience is ruined when there is a piercing stuck through one. For many, they lose a lot of sensation. Which means the giver has to bite harder or there is nothing you can do at all. The pleasure on both parts is removed from the full sexual experience.
Physically Altering Your Looks
You have to question the perversion of what people do to themselves trying to look better. There is an enhancement for almost every body part and it is just ridiculous. First off, looks aren’t everything. In fact, do you really ever hear of someone staying with someone because of their looks? Looks don’t keep relationships going. Looks are the fishing lure, it’s just to attract the prey.
Everything is blown way out of proportion these days. Sure, a nice butt on a girl is attractive. But when it is so rounded, wide and sticks out where you could place a coke can on it, that is just too much. Same with boobs, why does a woman need to have boobs so big that it causes them back pain.
Having Botox to thicken the lips, remove wrinkles, expand your cheeks and so on, why? People can be sexy just the way they are and why would you want someone that isn’t them-self? Usually when a girl gets a boob job, that make their breast and nipples less sensitive. So now you have a “No Go Showboat“. What good are boobs that don’t feel and deprives both partners the pleasure of foreplay? They also don’t feel natural and it is a turn off.
Working out and being healthy can be really attractive. But when people have to take it to an extreme, makes no sense. I really don’t care to date a woman that has bigger arms than me. Then you have the butt exercises that make the butt and thighs huge, again, why? There is nothing wrong with trying to look better, but there is also a point to stop. Have we really become so stupid that we think if a little is good, then a lot is better?
21st Century Apparel
Seems today’s clothing has become as ridiculous as altering your body. I mean, who come up with “Skinny Jeans”? More importantly, why to guys have to wear them? Clothes are so tight, you can’t breath or bend. They are made so thin, that they show everything. Women’s clothes show lots of cleavage, actually are designed to show everything in between the breast.
I think Hiphuggers are mainly created to show off bare asses on a girl for when she bends over. These type pants are cut so low and made so tight, they definitely pull down in the back at the slightest bend.
Even crazier, it is a fashion war now. People are always trying to out-dress someone else. What really gets me is that women don’t dress to be attractive to a man. Women dress to impress other women, yet again, a flipping competition.
I am all for dressing to match your personality. Guys that work in a garage, wood shop or have a farm, these guys usually wear work jeans and t-shirts or flannel. Women that are a bit tomboy, well you might catch them in some jeans, a t-shirt and a ball cap. But now, everyone has to wear name brands and clothes that say I am somebody. Or wear clothes that are slouchy, not tucked in and looks like you just got out of bed.
What Does All This Mean For Romance In The 21st Century?
Sadly romance in the 21st century is in serious trouble. From everything I mentioned above, shows a big decline of how things used to be. True self-esteem and confidence has been lost. People trying to conduct relationships through email and text, that is just cowardly and wrong.
Everyone has become lazy and way too impatient. If you put in little to no effort, take no real emotional chances and want to just jump right into bed with someone right away. This shows no investment and someone not really wanting to put in a quality effort to create something everlasting.
People are making dating almost like a mail order process. You get online, look at some pictures, maybe the fun status of someone and are ready to hook up. All with the attitude if it doesn’t work out, no big, just try it again. So how do you figure you are going to get a worthwhile relationship out of a non-caring attitude. I mean if you don’t care, why will anyone else?
Sadly it seems that everyone is too afraid to be themselves. Many these days are very insecure, so much that they have to change their physical appearance , thinking that is what is going to get attention. No one is brave enough to say, “this is who I am, this is what I look like and I am just fine with it”.
Then vs Now
Many years back, people were stronger, both emotionally and physically. We all took more chances and we did it to test ourselves. We weren’t afraid to fail because we knew failing was just a stepping stone to success. A person had to actually be brave enough to put them-self out there when they liked someone. There was no hiding behind phones and keyboards.
Now everything is virtual. Romancing is mostly done electronic, to the point you order up someone to meet and then zoom into a relationship. People are hung up on stuff that has no relevance in life. Social Likes and social media status, that does nothing for you. Real friends, a real love has to be earned and real work has to be put into it.
Everything has become superficial. No one really cares about the other person like it was many moons ago. Little by little, the world is becoming narcissistic and selfish. People worry more about themselves than others. They want it now, instead of doing what will make a brighter future.
With technology and the process of society, we are spoiled. Everyone feels entitled, they should have the best of everything. This makes for a cold future. There is nothing wrong with putting yourself out there and allow yourself to feel deeply. Really invest into a relationship and love hard.
Men Of The Past
Sadly, what used to be known as a Man, well that is going away. Men of the past were rugged, stood up for what they believed in and understood that being a man, means you take care of it. Today we have boys. Boys live with their mamas, boys worry about how they look in their jeans. Boys can’t change out a flat tire on a car.
Men in the past just did whatever it took, to get it done. Men look for their independence early in life and test their limits. Boys of today stay safe at home, never want to move out and just have to be on social media and play their games.
Men didn’t run around talking crap about sex and women, they just got them a woman and walked the talk. Men also weren’t afraid to feel or show their feelings. Boys act tough, throw temper-tantrums and treat others like crap because they aren’t happy with them-self. A man will always treat others fair no matter what is going on in their lives.
Men have confidence, they know what they can do and it shows by their actions. A man doesn’t have to lie, actions speak louder than words. If a man wanted a woman, he told her, he did what it took to show her. Boys lie and say what they think wants to be heard. They love to play games and be someone their not.
Men were also honorable by doing what they said they would do. Always keeping their word and meaning what they say.
Women Of The Past
Women knew how to be sexy and attractive through attitude and personality. They didn’t go and make their boobs and butts bigger, or get their lips pumped up. A woman didn’t need to go out and prove she was better than a man by working out and getting bigger muscles.
Through time, women have had to prove a lot to gain rights and to show that they are just as smart as a man. But somewhere along the line, they forget to stop. It seems many women have to work out more than a man, and they have to be so proud that they have guns and like killing. They have to take this Empowerment attitude to show they are better than a man. Although I am not sure they have to work too hard at proving much since men these days aren’t men.
In the past, women were more compassionate and not afraid to be in touch, or show their feelings. They were very maternal even without being a parent. In the past, games weren’t required to attract a woman. All it took, was a man with a good heart. Now days, a man has to treat a woman like crap to get her to like him. Drama seems to be the main drive for everyone in the 21st century.
Dating In The 21st Century
The good news is, men and women will still continue to date, some will even have long relationships and or find marriage. The bad news is, the depth of connections that used to be are mostly gone. We live in a disposable world now. Unfortunately this means people as well. If a relationship doesn’t work out, you cut your losses and move on to the next.
The more people that take this attitude and behave this way, the more true love becomes lost and a thing of the past. I come from a different time, it was a time where being friends with someone meant family. A friend was just another family member, you loved them with all your heart and would do anything for that person. You definitely made sure you were there for them.
Just imagine, if you could be so committed to a friend, how much you really gave of yourself to someone you loved romantically. We live in an automated, virtual world now and dating is more or less a game. If you really want that magical love so much like the yesteryear’s, don’t 21st century date. Put personal effort in to showing you care. Call instead of text and remember, the right person for you, is the person that makes you feel good about yourself.
Stop the dating game to where you are trying to win at a competition. Be yourself and if that person doesn’t like you for you, it’s there loss. Everyone is special, they don’t need alterations of their body or body art to make them unique. If there is to be the magical romance, you will be fine just for who you are.
For myself, I find anything outside of what you were born with, a turn off. However, that is my opinion, and anyone should do whatever they want that makes them happy. My point to this whole post is, people have become very self-conscious and insecure in the 21st century. They have also become very lazy. It seems people find it easier to get a tattoo or an augmentation, rather than work on their personality and attitude.
I am hoping that we will go back to a time where people are more confident in themselves and quit trying to change who they are to get approvals or fit in with the trends. A rare breed is what you could call me, I am a man. Changing my looks to fit in or get approval will never happen. If that means I walk alone till I die, then so be it. I am who I am and you are going to like me or you won’t.
All I can say is, slow down, give people more than a 2 minute chance to get to know them. Quit always looking for something better. By doing all these impatient things, you are missing out on what could be a wonderful thing. Everyone is unique and beautiful just the way they are, no need to look like someone else.
The secret is to be happy with who you are. Because when you like yourself, others will too.
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