Why is it so hard for single fathers to date? Is it just because their priorities have changed and no longer have interest? Too many things in life to juggle they just can’t focus? Perhaps they feel they have just lost their manliness? Could it be all the above or is there something else holding them back?
Dating can be hard no matter if you’re a single full-time dad, just divorced, or never married. Although, when you have the responsibility of taking care of a child, it’s a whole other ballgame. Having freedom to date isn’t as bad if the dad has joint custody or friends and family to help. But for those dads that are parenting 24/7 all on their own, it’s a different world.
Even for the part time dads, they still have responsibilities and obligations that narrows down their free-time. Aside from the obvious time constraints, is that the real reason single dads find it hard to date? I feel that is part of the issue but not the whole problem. Humans are somewhat predictable. Whenever they really want something, they find a way to get it. So, what are some reasons single dads aren’t dating?
Taking The Path Of Least Resistance
We by nature, never draw to an inside straight, we avoid risk, and hard efforts. Most look for the quickest and fastest solutions. If confronted with a tall mountain, most will avoid going straight over it to follow the more direct path. Commonly, everyone will just take the path around it. This isn’t always bad, but sometimes we need to think about what could be gained by taking the more direct route.
When raising a child all on your own, you are basically managing two lives. I think most would agree, managing your own life can be pretty tough. Being in this situation, to date is like taking on another life. The single dad has to consider all angles of the situation. What is fair to whom, how to come up with the time. Worrying about not being able to make a love interest top priority like it should be. This can be really stressful, especially if you are a dedicated parent. It is sad to think about how many loser parents are out there these days.
It can be hard for a single father to date, just dealing with his family obligation. Even if it is just you and your child, that is still a family. Of course, you want to be there for your family, but dating could cut into that time. So, most of these dads just go with what is easier. Just stick to the routine, work, pay bills, spend time with your kid and repeat daily. The idea seems sound, avoid the stress of giving your time elsewhere and stick to the daily plan. But is this really healthy, are you truly happy?
Loneliness Can Kill You
You may feel that not dating or not having a more personal fulfilled life is easier. However, you are leading your life on a path of loneliness. There is no getting around that when you have a kid, your world changes big-time. But this change doesn’t mean your life is over. You just have to learn how to incorporate your responsibility into still having a life.
What commonly happens with single full-time dads, they give up their life all together. This is just true parenting 101, you don’t have a life, you live for your kids. They forget dating because it is just too much hassle. But then they tend to shun off friends as well, and before you know it, isolation. As your child gets older, that gives you someone to talk to, well to a degree. But it still doesn’t make up for alike peers.
Without realizing it, you have let complete loneliness and isolation slip up on you. It has been scientifically proven that loneliness can kill you. It leads to a unique form of depression. Then that starts destroying your confidence. After some time, you become withdrawn from others because you don’t want to feel any form of companionship. Any form would be a tease, because you have convinced yourself that being alone is choice.
Becoming Socially Awkward
All of this makes you stand-offish, and sometimes gives the appearance of being socially indifferent. All the traits that make it hard for single fathers to date. Sometimes the dad can come off needy when trying to socialize. Due to the lack of adult conversation, when he does get an ear to bend, he over does it. Women don’t like needy men, nor do they like men that aren’t sociable to some degree. Loneliness puts you in a place that is almost worse than being in the friendzone. So think about the path of least resistance, you may realize making the effort will save you.
Going From Don Juan To Philophobia
I bet your first question is, what the hell is Philophobia? For me personally, before I become a single full-time dad. I was like Don Juan; I could pick up any girl, any time. Not just any girls, I was getting extremely hot girls. I was having lots of sex, going to the beach and just enjoying the dating life.
I am not knocking having a kid, I love being a dad, always wanted children. Although I had hoped to have had a wife in the picture, that would have made it easier. However, once my child came along, the desire to share my love become questionable. I just didn’t see how to love my child 100% and still give any to a love interest. This is fear of love, this is Philophobia.
This is also known as a personality defect. It wasn’t that I didn’t try at first to find someone. But after so many failed attempts to find someone good enough to be in my child’s life, I gave up. This kind of transition going from stud to dud, can have lasting effects. It messes with one’s confidence and starts creating a continuing doubt in one’s worth. In turn, this makes it hard for single father to date.
Single Parenting Changes The Dating Life
Even if you could get out to meet someone, try to start dating, it would have to be more PG-13. First off, the running around from bar to bar would have to stop. Secondly, unless you are just looking for a quick sex fix. You wouldn’t want to meet someone in a bar if you plan on bringing them around your kid. Another factor is, no drinking. You are a parent now; you can’t be getting hauled off to jail for a DUI. This in itself makes it hard for single fathers to date.
Your dating life now has to be more tamed and less risky. I would say meet someone in church, but from my experience, they don’t turn out to be the best fit. Not in every case, but quite often too many opinions get thrown at the single dad. I find it funny how it is OK for a woman to be a single parent. But for if it is a single dad, well he has baggage or just too much maintenance.
If the dad did get someone to date, bringing them over to spend the night will be hard. This depends on how old your child is. But if you want to wear her butt out in the bedroom all night. You are going to have to be very quiet, which tones down the passion and the fun. Unless you have a family member to watch your child all night. You can’t go for a sleep-over to your date’s place either. So, this makes you a bachelor that can’t live a bachelor’s life.
It’s Hard For Single Fathers To Date – So What Can You Do?
From my own experience and looking back on things now. The best advice I could give anyone in my situation is, dump the fear. Fear of not giving my child the 100% of love if I found a girlfriend was unjust. All anyone can do is always be there for your kids, but that doesn’t mean stop your life completely. In fact, you will be a better dad if you are personally happy. When you are frustrated, tired and almost the walking dead. You are not going to be the best for your child.
Don’t be afraid to have a little piece of your life left. You had likes and hobbies before you become a dad, don’t throw them away. Accept that you will be interrupted when doing something you want to do. You have to accept that privacy and alone-time will be limited. Understand that you will be managing two lives. It will not always be easy; you just have to find a balance and find a good support group.
Support
When I say support group, this isn’t like an organization you look up in the directory. I mean you should find real friends. Real friends don’t keep count or score when you need them. They don’t use your situation so that they can boast about how great they are for helping. Real friends don’t use your situation for fuel to cut you down either.
Even if you only make one good friend, that is all you need. Real friends love you and are basically family. They want to help and also make sure you feel comfortable to ask if you need it. You want people that you can trust with your child, people that will be good influences. Anything less, you don’t need.
I highly suggest to try out new people if you don’t already have a great friend. It can tremendously help to have a backup. It also makes it easy to go out and do something for you and not have to worry. If you still have family, then you are ahead of the game. Although, some family members can’t be trusted. Let’s hope you can find someone you can trust.
It is already so hard for single fathers to date just in normal day-to-day life. But if you have no one to help. No one to be there for your kid in case something happens to you. This can make everyday living miserable from worrying. Make friends you can trust, don’t put it off.
Your Heart
There is nothing like the bond between you and your child. This in itself should tell any woman, you have a beautiful heart. That you are dedicated and responsible. So, for any of the women that wouldn’t want you because you have a child all on your own. Just consider these women to be idiots and a complete waste of your time. Never let these loser girls destroy your confidence or stop you from believing in yourself. It seems to be common to be shunned for having a kid. This is one of the biggest reasons it is so hard for single fathers to date.
It takes a person with a big heart to take on a child. No matter if you are single mom or dad. Real parents sacrifice for their children, that is just the way it should be. So be happy and proud of yourself for having such a wonderful heart. If you never can find a woman that can appreciate you and love you for that. You are better off without. Do not settle just to get a mom figure in the picture. That can turn out to be disastrous for both you and your child.
Possible Solution
I am sure many of you dads have got online and looked at dating apps or dating help. You may have found that when it comes to single dads, there isn’t much out there for us. Dating sites are much the same. You create a profile and hope that you will find a woman that understands your situation. It could happen and I hope it does. This is another reason it is so hard for single fathers to date, just no real help for this situation.
Then some of you may feel that dating is just too much to add to your life right now. That is also fine, I am kind of there myself. Then there is trying to find a dating coach that can help single dads. As you may have found, there aren’t any.
Most dating coaches always start off with how-to pick-up women in bars. Well as I discussed, a dedicated dad isn’t going to be going to bars. Most of these coaches push the PUA technique. Which only good for a one-night stand. Again, not what a dedicated single dad is looking for.
However, I found one coach that has a program that tailors your needs. This course is super great for single full-time dads because it works around your schedule. This is more of a mentorship course and it runs about 3 months. It works with all ages, no matter your status of living and is custom to what you are needing help with.
There Is Hope
Look below for details on how to get this course. I highly recommend it, because this is the only course that can help single full-time dads. I have personally talked to the coach. She is not only beautiful but she is straight forward and gets real results. You would be cheating yourself if you didn’t at least take a look at it.
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