Relationships are as mysterious as Stonehenge, the City of Atlantis and the Bermuda Triangle. You see so many couples that make no sense, and wonder why they stay together, seeing them so unhappy. So many relationships with no trust for the other, and definitely nothing in common. Obviously, the awkwardness and the dissatisfaction are so apparent. So why do they stay together, why do people settle in relationships?
Settling Is The Dumbest Thing
People most commonly do the dumbest things out of fear and desperation. Usually from insecurities and doubt. Quite often they get taken advantage of or get themselves into a worse situation than they started off with.
When it comes to relationships, the biggest reasons people settle is so they won’t be alone. People have an idea of what they would like in a significant other. From looks, to similar interest, personality traits, even down to what sports team they like.
When they don’t find it right away, they get worried it will never happen. They become impatient and before you know it, they have settled.
So, why do people settle in relationships? Well, we covered the common answer, loneliness. However, some people do it for needs, like money or to be a co-parent. Those are usually the most high-level common reasons.
Loneliness can be handled if you have a good friend. Even good friends are hard to come by anymore. But even though you might be able to turn to a friend when you are feeling lost and down. It still isn’t quite the same, it isn’t that companionship you yearn.
Companionship
People need to be touched physically and emotionally. Friends just don’t usually cover these areas, unless you have a friend with benefits. We need to let our happy and flirty side out now and then. It is just a natural part of us that we need to exercise occasionally.
It’s kind of like holding it in your anger when you’re mad. After a while it eats you up inside. Our romantic tensions are much the same. If we don’t let them out ever now and then, it starts messing with our minds.
People need companionship in some form or fashion. It could be a sexual relationship, a full-blown romance or sometimes, a nice hug will suffice. People need to touch one another in some form. If anything, just to remind yourself, you do exist.
Can We Be fixed?
Mankind is actually quite smart. As a race, we always figuring out ways to adapt to all sort of situations. However, when it comes to emotions, there isn’t a fix for it or much adapting.
Doctors prescribe drugs and hours of therapy, but that is not fixing anything. If your car burns oil and smokes. There is obviously something worn out and needs replaced right? If you pour a bottle of “Smoke be Gone” into the engine, it will quit smoking for a short while. But is it really fixed? NOOOO, the issue is masked temporarily and the issue still exist.
Out of all the things mankind has overcome, fixed and created. Fixing what the heart needs and wants is something that can’t be done by a pill or therapy. So, do people settle in relationships because the feel too broken?
The best fix for loneliness is to keep busy. Take the time to get to know yourself and what makes you happy. Well outside of being in a relationship. Diving into work really isn’t the answer, as that makes you feel more alone in time. But to follow hobbies or interest you can be passion about works well. Focusing your passion towards positive things, does help fill the emptiness.
Do You Really Know What You Want?
So, you have an idea of the who and the life you want. But as we go through life, it seems we either can’t find the one or really grasp that life we desire. The question is, are you wanting what is in your heart, or just the surface appeal?
In today’s time, image has become more important than substance. Men want women that are 10 plus models, and women have to have a guy that is tall and hot. Both are looking for arm candy.
I kind of blame TV/Movies and Social Media for this need for the perfect look. It has placed an unrealistic expectation in so many people’s heads. Many, feel entitled to only the best. Doesn’t matter if a good looking one is a horrible person, just long as they look good.
With these high expectations. That leaves the above average feeling like they have to be with alike people. This then leaves the around average, feeling like they will just have to take whatever comes along. So, the hot settle with other hotties, and the rest just take what they can get. This is a lot of settling based on image.
By knowing what you really want in a partner, and also knowing what you want from yourself. Will help you not settle for the first person that comes along. If you stick to what you are looking for, you will have a better chance at finding the one. Even if you don’t, you can be happy by being the person you want to be.
Reasons People Settle In Relationships
If you or someone you know are in a relationship due to any of these below. This might help you to identify why.
Don’t want to be alone
This is the number one mistake everyone makes. People think if they just have a physical body present that will stop loneliness. When in fact, this just increases the feeling of being lonely. If you are with someone that you really don’t connect with., You are not having your emotional or physical needs met. People go meet others in bars for quick sex. This just very temporarily satisfies the animal instinct. But emotionally it increases the loneliness. Think about how people have sex with someone they don’t care for. Then, once it’s over, they are ready to run out the door.
You don’t believe in yourself
Everyone has insecurities to some extent. Often, we will allow ourselves to stay in a not ideal situation. Like a job, living conditions or worse, a relationship, because we don’t think we are going to do any better. Even though the comfort zone you are in may not be a good place. It is the one you know and many of us are afraid to get out of our comfort zones. Change is one of the biggest barriers for people no matter how successful you are. Just remember, you always can do better and improve things in your life. You just have to believe in yourself and work on your confidence.
In a hurry
Impatience only messes up anything you do in life. Being in a hurry always has bad results in the end leaving many regrets. Impatience with matters of the heart can be really disastrous. You see others that are married, happily dating, or married with the big house and kids. This can make you feel your time is running out. So, you grab the first person that comes along. You may feel you are getting too old and time is running out, the list can go on. Think about this, as soon as we are born, we are dying right? So why be in a hurry to get to the end? Many people are happy doing what they want to do without someone, if it is meant to be, it will happen. Just enjoy life and what it has to offer.
Do it just to do it
We have grown up in a world that people meet, date, get married and have children. The whole package from A to Z, and think this is how it is supposed to be. You may even have family try to pound this train of thought into your head. So, you find someone that you feel you can at least tolerate to meet this expected requirement. Then again, some people get in a committed relationship because it seemed like the thing to do. You should only get involved with someone if there are feelings or attraction, not just because.
Money
Sadly, there are “Gold Diggers” out there that are in it for the status and money the other person has. This situation always ends badly, and in the end, no one comes out a winner. Money and status are nice. But to sell your happiness and your soul for it. This makes both sides miserable.
Allowing yourself to be dominated
There are some bad people out there that are dominating and narcissistic. They have to control others. Sadly, it’s the nice giving people that get used or controlled. These crazy type people know how to play good-hearted people into staying in these destructive relationships. They usually do it by making them feel too afraid to leave.
Desperation
There are some that feel they are not anything, not complete unless they are with someone. They just have to be in love. These people just make others and themselves miserable. They will change everything about themselves to have someone. Not realizing that this behavior makes them extremely unhappy. Sometimes people will do these things to get out of one bad situation. But that is kind of like jumping out of the frying pan, into the fire.
Some people are really afraid to get to know themselves. So, it is easier to use other’s identities to create their facade. These are reason why people settle in relationships.
Signs That You Have Settled
Many people are in settled relationships and really are not aware of it. So, it may be worth looking at your current situation of your life. Do a quick check to see if you think you have settled or not.
- Your partner supports you or do you find them dismissing your desires and dreams? Do they often criticize you for having enthusiastic goals?
- You feel you have to change who you are and what you want to accommodate your significant other?
- Do you feel like you have to be the peace-keeper at everything? To the point of walking on eggshells around your partner?
- Are you always putting your partner’s needs above your own? Maybe even to the point that you are really being abused physically or emotionally or both?
- Does it seem you are constantly giving chances to your partner’s infidelities? You keep making excuses but it never stops and it never will?
- Do you find yourself feeling alone all the time and misunderstood? Especially around your significant other?
These are just a few things you need to think and about. Ask yourself if any of these are going on in your relationship currently? I don’t think people settle in relationships to be abused or mistreated. No matter if they do it intentionally or not, I think all hope for the best. But to me, this is a gamble. A roll of the dice, you dive in blind and hope there is water to splash in.
Wrapping It Up
We all start off with good intentions and have an idea of love and how a love life should be. Sadly, due to basically a lack of belief and confidence in ourselves, we make bad choices and settle.
The old saying, “Anything in life worth having, is worth working for and doing well.” Which means, it takes some time to build something that will last. However, in the end you will be glad you did.
I feel the best solution to issues like these, is to believe in yourself. What it comes down to, believing in yourself requires confidence. Unfortunately, confidence is something you can’t just go out and pick up in a convenience store.
Getting confidence starts with determination. If you are tired of the life you have, and want to do better. Understand, only you can do something about it.
I ran across a program that can change your perspective on life. It is self-improvement program that is based on the secrets of highly successful and very happy people. Once you figure out how the happy and successful achieved it, your life will change forever. Take a look at Mind Secrets Exposed.
Once you become confident, it will improve every aspect of your life. Love, Business, Friends and Day to Day Life. It is like opening up your eyes and seeing the world for the first time. Needless to say, you won’t be settling anymore.
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