Relationships are as mysterious as Stonehenge, the City of Atlantis and the Bermuda Triangle. You see so many couples that make no sense and wonder why they stay together seeing that they are so unhappy.
You see or may be one that is in a relationship with someone that has no trust for the other and neither one have anything in common. You can see the awkwardness and the dissatisfaction, so why do they stay together, why do people settle in relationships?
People mostly do the dumbest things out of fear and desperation and because of these insecurities, quite often either get taken advantage of or get themselves into worse situations than they started off with.
When it comes to relationships the biggest reason why people settle is to not be alone. Even though you have many people say they are not a romantic, you will find everyone is to some degree. People have an idea of what they would like in a mate, from looks to similar interest to personality.
When they don’t find it right away, they get worried it will never happen or impatient and before you know it, they have settled.
So why do people settle in relationships? If you were to get into every detail, this would need to be a book or novel but on a higher level, people settle for less in relationships because they do not want to be lonely. Even though you can turn to a friend at times when you are feeling lost and down and need some kind of companionship, it isn’t quite the same.
People need to be touched physically and emotionally and friends just don’t usually cover that area. We all have a happy and flirty side to us and now and then, we need to exercise it. It is kind of like holding it in when you are mad, after a while it kind of eats you up inside, so you yell, scream or break something to vent. That is way easier than when you have the need for romance or love, there isn’t a whole lot you can do about it easily.
I think mankind is actually smart, we as a race figure out so many things, we are always figuring out things to adapt to all sort of situations and problems. However when it comes to emotions, there isn’t a fix for it.
Doctors prescribe drugs and hours of therapy but that is not fixing anything. If your car burns oil and smokes, there is obviously something worn out and needs replaced right? If you pour a bottle of “Smoke be Gone” into the engine, it will quit smoking for a short while but is it fixed? NOOOO, the issue is masked temporarily and the issue still exist. Out of all the things mankind has overcome, fixed and created, fixing what the heart needs and wants is something that can’t be done by a thing or someone else.
So we have an idea of the one we want and the life we want to live with that someone but as we go through life, it seems we either can’t find it or can’t see it. In today’s time, image has become more important than it ever has before.
Men want women that are 10 plus models and women have to have a guy that is tall and a real challenge. Well I have many opinions why this unrealistic image seems to be what steers us these days but the biggest thing is media such as TV and Movies.
Everyone in movies and shows are hot and sex is just common on the screens as well as porn is so available. People see this and that becomes a standard they have to have. People have gotten lost in what fantasy and reality is.
Truthfully there are far better matches right in front of us but we want to live in a fantasy world, so you meet someone who looks like the fantasy version of what you want.
You get involved with that person and find they suck in personality or you have nothing in common with them so what do you do? Sadly many people find it more important to have that image than true happiness.
Then you have people who feel they are ugly and have nothing to offer because they don’t even compare to what they see in media so they will take anything or anyone that comes along. Impatience is high on why people settle, they don’t want to wait for that special someone because that might take years and again, an image of the perfect wedding and having kids by a certain time places them into a relationship that they are miserable in.
If you or someone you know are in a relationship due to any of these below, it might just help to identify why. The next step what be what to do about this predicament.
- Don’t want to be alone: This is the number one mistake everyone makes, people think if they just have a physical body present that will stop loneliness when in fact it just increases the feeling of being lonely. If you are with someone that is really a stranger, you are not having your emotional or physical needs really met. People go meet others in bars for quick sex, so the animal instinct is temporarily satisfied but emotionally it increases the loneliness. Think about how people have sex with someone they don’t care for and when it is over, you are ready to run out the door.
- You don’t believe in yourself: Everyone has insecurities to some extent but often we will allow ourselves to stay in a situation like a job, living conditions or worse, in a relationship because we don’t think we are going to do any better. Even though the comfort zone you are in may not be a good place, it is the one you know and many of us are afraid to get out of comfort zone and the thing we already know. Change is one of the biggest barriers for people no matter how successful you are. Just remember, you always can do better and improve things in your life, you just have to believe in yourself and work on your confidence.
- In a hurry: Impatience only messes up anything you do in life. Being in a hurry always has bad results in the end leaving many regrets, and being in hurry with matters of the heart can be really disastrous. You see others that are married or happily dating or married with the big house and kids and you feel your time is running out, so you grab the first person that comes along you think you can make it work with. You may feel you are getting too old and time is running out and the list can go on. Think about this, as soon as we are born, we are dying right? So why be in a hurry to get to the end and die? Many people are happy doing what they want to do without someone, if it is meant to be, it will happen.
- Do it just to do it: We have grown up in a world that people meet, date, get married and have children and the whole package and think this is how it is supposed to be. You may even have family tell you or rather push you into this train of thought. So you find someone that you feel you can at least tolerate to meet this expected requirement. This is so wrong and should never happen and it is also selfish. The person you decided to settle with to meet what you think is expected of you, well they may really be head over heels for you and what you are doing is keeping that person from finding the one they are really supposed to be with.
- Money: Sadly there are those that are in truth “Gold Diggers” that get involved or married to someone for the status and money the other has. This situation always ends badly and in the end, no one comes out a winner. Money and status is nice but to sell your happiness and your soul for it makes not only the one you are trying to suck dry of their riches but also makes you miserable.
- Allowing yourself to be dominated: There are some bad people out there that are dominating and narcissistic that have to control others. Sadly people that are really too nice to a fault get themselves involved with this type and soon start getting controlled by them. These crazy type people know how to play good-hearted people into staying in these destructive relationships and just get too afraid to leave it.
- Desperation: You feel desperate and needy to have someone and to have a romantic life. You change who you are to accommodate the significant other just to keep that person in your life. People do this as mentioned above to not be alone but often do it to hide from themselves. Many people just do not know what to do with themselves and need others to create an identity and this will work for a short time but at some point, they start understanding who they really are and realize the life they thought they wanted isn’t.
Many people are in these settled relationships and they are really not aware of it. So you may want to look at some things about your life and do a quick check to see if you think you have settled or not.
- Is the one you’re with support you or do you find them dismissing your desires and dreams and often criticize you for having enthusiastic goals?
- Do you feel you have to change who you are and what you want to accommodate your significant other?
- Do you feel like you have to be the peace-keeper at everything to the point of walking on eggshells around your mate?
- Are you always putting your partner’s needs above your own, maybe even to the point that you are really being abused physically or emotionally or both?
- Do you constantly put up with and keep giving chances to your partner’s cheating discretion’s? You keep making excuses but it never stops and it never will.
- Do you find yourself feeling alone all the time and misunderstood, especially around your significant other?
These are just a few things you need to think and about and ask yourself if any of this is going on in your relationship. So why do people settle in relationships? Well as I mentioned, they mostly do it because everyone has a bit of a romantic in them.
We all start off with good intentions and have an idea of love and how a love life would be but sadly due to basically a lack of belief and confidence in ourselves, we make bad choices and settle.
Even those who go after others for their money or the ones that feel they have to dominate someone, these people don’t believe in themselves to go at it the right way and are really in a hurry. Shortcuts to success never pan out and even if they do, they don’t last long.
Goes back to the old saying, “Anything in life worth having is worth working for and doing well”. Which this means, it takes some time to build something that will last but in the end, you will be glad you did.
I feel the best solution to issues like these is to believe in yourself and what it comes down to, believing in yourself requires confidence. Now confidence is something you can’t just go out and pick up in a convenience store and it isn’t something that will happen overnight.
Getting confidence starts with determination, so if you are tired of the life you have and want to better it, then only you can decide how bad you want to improve your life and what you are going to do about it.
I ran across this course that has some really good aspects and great approaches to getting confidence, LASTING SELF-CONFIDENCE. It is a training course and with it, you will learn how to become confident in your life as a whole.
Once you become confident, it will improve every aspect of your life. Love, Business, Friends and Day to Day Life, it is like opening up your eyes and seeing the world completely different. Discover your confidence and start the life you really want to have, it is OK to fail from time to time, that is how you will learn to do better. If you have any questions or thoughts, please leave me a comment and I will try and get back to you as soon as I can.