Dating on its own is something that takes some effort and understanding. However, venture down that road after a breakup, brings about many more concerns. Are you actually ready to get back out there and date again? There are signs you are not ready to date. Signs you should really take notice to avoid future heartache.
You may have asked yourself if you are really ready to date. If you have, then you are approaching this avenue sensibly and honestly. You may have not gone out on a date yet and considering it. Then again, you may be making a hobby out of it with continuing failing results. It could be that you are coming off a breakup and wondering when is to soon to start again.
Dating is a commitment. With commitment, comes obligations and loyalty. It means you are sharing your life with someone to some level. You need to make sure that this is really what you want and are ready for it.
Ready To Date After A Breakup?
From my own heartaches and experiences after my divorce. I thought I would create a list that might help others before jumping out in the dating world. Keep in mind, this list is not only for you, but a guideline of traits for a prospective date. I just wished I had a list of “signs you are not ready to date,” before I got back out in the dating life. It could have saved me a lot of frustration.
It is said for when a horse throws you off, to get right back on it and try it again. I believe this to be true. You should never let failures stop you from trying at anything. But when dealing with your heart and emotions. Time is something you need to give yourself.
We all learn from out mistakes, and to go back out with someone new after a breakup may not be the best thing. You can’t cancel the hurt with someone else. You also have to consider how you are actually using someone else when on the rebound.
Take time to think about what went wrong. Be honest with yourself in your failings too. Even if you did nothing wrong. Think about the little signs along the way that should have told you it was going nowhere. Once you are at peace with yourself, you may be ready to date.
The 16 Signs You Are Not Ready To Date Again
Still in a relationship
If you are still in a committed or lingering in a long-time serious relationship. One that is either in the middle of divorce proceedings or the separation process. You are nowhere ready to date again. You have to have time to heal
and let go of all the drama.
How could you honestly commit to someone else if you are still tied up in your past? Granted, people often are break up because of a new relationship with someone else, but usually these don’t last.
Still hanging on to the “Ex”
If every conversation you have with anyone still contains references to your “Ex.” Always using their first name instead of saying my “ex-wife”, “ex-husband” or “Ex” period. You haven’t let go yet.
In fact, if you are still going on about it and feeling the need to relive it by talking about it all the time. Then it is going to be hard to start a new relationship fresh. We all need to vent to get the bad stuff out of us. So, go to your best friend and vent, not to a new potential date.
Honesty with yourself
We all make mistakes; the benefit is we learn from them. As long as we are honest to ourselves about them. Granted, some breakups are completely the other person’s fault. However, if you don’t at least admit to some of the stupid things you did. Admit to things you should have done different. Then you may find this horror continuing into the next relationship.
Earn up to mistakes made by missing red flags you should have seen in the other person. Sometimes, we want a relationship so bad, we tend to overlook the signs. If you had fault in the relationship failing, own up to it. Analyze them and try to do better.
Ignoring your heartache
If you are just trying to suck it up and move on without dealing with the pain and emotions. You will undoubtedly take these feelings into the next relationship. Or become that person no one wants to date. There are signs you are not ready to date when hurting from a heartache. Being hesitant to go out. Keeping your self shielded. Not letting someone get too close. Pay attention to these little feelings, it might be telling you something.
You have to heal and get strong again. Just like breaking a leg, it has to heal before walking or running again. Don’t be in such a rush, only for it to be another fail.
Getting the Ex Back Syndrome
There are two things here that need to be looked at. If you still stay in communication with your Ex. Pining away at them, letting them know you are open to try again. Then don’t be looking to drag a new person into this confusion. Selfish people want to always keep a fallback on hand.
If you are wanting to date someone new, just to make the Ex jealous. Again, don’t do this to someone. This is very selfish and cruel, and it basically makes you a user. Ask yourself, would you want to be treated this way?
Commitment issues
Often after a breakup some people are scared to commit again. There are also people that just don’t want to be lonely. So, they use others promising a commitment they never intend to give.
I suggest until you figure out why you can’t commit to someone, stay single. Hang out with friends and spend some time getting to know yourself. Don’t hurt others because you do not know what you want.
If you have no plans of making a real commitment, be upfront and honest about it. At least the other person knows where they stand with you.
Narcissistic and schizophrenic
If you suffer from either or both narcissism or schizophrenia, you should not date at all. If you need a sex fix, let someone know you just need sex and leave it at that. People that flip-flop in personalities or are so completely selfish, and the never at fault type. These type people cannot have a normal loving relationship.
If you do suffer from this but want to get better and meet someone in the process. Again, be honest, let them know upfront. If they know how you are, let them decide if or how they want to deal with you. These personality defects usually lead into toxic head games and all involved suffer emotionally.
Pay attention to the little signs you are not ready to date here. If people avoid you. Never want to include you. Don’t bother talking to you. These signs need to trigger a look at yourself.
You are bored
If you feel you want to date out of boredom or just need some romantic entertainment. You should consider how you are going to make the other person feel first. No one wants to be treated as an option or a play thing.
Do the right thing and at least be honest with someone. Let them know you just want to fill a moment in your life. Don’t let that person get too attached.
Not feeling whole – feeling incomplete
If you feel something is missing in your life, this is not a good reason to start dating. Dating isn’t going to fill the empty parts in your life. This is where you need to get to know yourself and who you are.
Once you figure yourself out and become happy with who you are, then you are ready to date. It isn’t right to put your failings onto someone else to fix, that is your job.
You just have to be in a relationship
You may feel you just have to be involved with someone because other people you know are. It could be, you just can’t be complete without someone else. If this is how you are feeling, then you are just asking for problems.
This is really being needy and is a turn off to anyone. Secondly, you will never be happy with anyone using them to fill a purpose. The fix is yourself, learn to like yourself and be content with your life. Don’t use others as a crutch.
Just having to be in a relationship also causes many to settle in a relationship. Settling only last a short while and usually ends in heartache for both.
You are too busy
If you are barely keeping up with your day-to-day life, how can you manage to keep up with someone else’s? You need to figure out how to take time for yourself and manage your schedule. You don’t want to bring someone into your life always to be putting them on hold.
If something is really important to you, you will find a way to make the time. So, if love and romance is really what you want, make the time.
Trust issues
There is always the time it takes to believe in and trust someone. However, if you approach someone new with the attitude they can’t be trusted, then you have already doomed it. You need to understand why you distrust others or a romantic partner before getting involved with someone.
If you approach any relationship with negativity, it will most likely fail. At least be honest with someone about your trust issues. Maybe they can help you with your issues. Of course, in the end, only you can fix you.
Be true to yourself
Being afraid of rejection, to the point that you change who you are, just to have a relationship. If this is the case, you are far from ready to date. You have to learn who you are, what your likes and dislikes are and own it.
People respect those who know who they are and like themselves. You can’t expect to have a happy – healthy relationship with anyone, if you are just being what they want. They will resent you in the end and all that leads to is hurt on both parts.
Scorecard degradation
If you feel you always have to be right and place blame on someone else. You are far from real dating material. If you are always making reference to “men” or “women” in a degrading way. You’re not letting go of the past or just have real issues with the opposite sex.
Again, you have to go into a new relationship fresh. Leave all the baggage behind. There is no reward for proving that the other person is to blame for everything. It takes two to argue. If the other person really is to blame, just leave.
This also covers people that have to keep a score or tally. If you are always keeping track of how many things you have done for someone else. Then you still have issues and need to resolve them before dating.
Keeping your options open
If you are on the prowl, playing the dating game and getting as many dates as you can. You are probably not ready for a committed relationship. However, there is nothing really wrong with casually dating multiple people. Just be honest and upfront about it, don’t be a player.
Being happy
If you are not happy with yourself or your life. Then you probably won’t be good for someone else. It never works expecting someone else to make you happy. You need to be content and happy with yourself. The idea is, you feel good about yourself being with someone. Hanging your entire existence on that person to keep you happy is unhealthy.
Putting the responsibility of your existence onto someone else will fail. That person will never live up to your expectations. Eventually they will resent you out of a loss of respect towards you.
Be aware of these little signs you are not ready to date. Always being self-deprecating, continually cutting yourself down. You can’t find any hobby or things you like on your own. Always needing someone else to take interest in what they do. When you know someone else more than you know yourself. You are only happy when others are around.
Read The Signs
The mentioned listed signs, might indicate you are not ready to date. This can also be used as a guide the other isn’t ready to date. You may have it all together and not resemble any of these traits, but how about your love interest? Use these 16 signs you are not ready to date list as self-help, or a warning.
The truth is, you have to feel good about yourself. Be happy with who you are before you can make someone else happy, or even be good for them. Relationship can be hard but also something very simple. It is what you make it.
The key to success in any relationship is communications. Dating, friendships and marriage, all require communications. If you are talking, or talking the same language. It tends to come apart at the seams.
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