It seems to be a head-scratcher, something really bizarre. People just crave to be in love or at least date, yet when they do, they cheat. Why do people cheat? The most commonsense answers are, things such as anger or not being sexually satisfied. Then there are things like being neglected, not respected or out of a low self-esteem. Even though I know there are reasons that do make sense. I feel there are two major factors for cheating.
When it comes to cheating, there is often a common pattern of behavior. Usually, you have a really nice and giving person in the relationship that is the victim. Then you have the one that is narcissistic, abusive or just a jerk. So you have to ask, who’s fault is it? Is it the cheater just taking advantage of their partner’s kindness? Or is it the victim’s fault because they are too nice or submissive? Or could there be completely other reason you might not even think of?
People Cheat Out Of Anger
It isn’t unheard of for someone to cheat on their significant other out of anger. We are an emotional race. We all do stupid things, take knee-jerk reactions to an emotional response. Really in a case like this, the anger leads to revenge. “You hurt me, so I am going to hurt you back” type thing. So, is anger the main motivation for why do people cheat?
You may feel justified in cheating because your partner isn’t around much. Maybe they just don’t pay you the attention they should. Perhaps and argument leads you to feel they just don’t understand you. It could even be the sex isn’t that great. So, do you think this justifies cheating?
Commitment
You have to realize; commitment doesn’t mean the same to everyone. Some feel that dating is not a real monogamous obligation. They might feel, “put a ring on it” if you want monogamy. People that have commitment issues are likely to cheat. There are many people that fear a real commitment, and they often do things to give themself an out.
The cheating person could really care or even love you but their fear is stronger. This often stems from a person having insecurities about themselves. They just can’t picture being able to make along-term relationship work.
There are some people that just have a cavalier attitude about life. They feel people are a dime a dozen, that there is always someone else. So, they don’t share the same idea about commitment as you might.
Losing The Way They Feel Towards You
Often when someone falls out of love, or starts losing interest, they tend to cheat. It is all to common for two people to meet. The passion is at an all-time high, and they jump right into a relationship. Sadly, the excitement starts to dwindle about as fast as it began. New relationships, new loves can be exhilarating, a natural high, but should you really jump in? If you think about it, it is kind of like gambling. You roll the dice on a moment in hopes that “this is it.”
Sometimes people just start realizing they don’t share enough interest to make it work. Usually this isn’t done at the same time. The first one feeling the loss of interest is the one that cheats. However, both could start cheating on each other because of one side loses interest. Sadly, many will stay in a loveless relationship out of not wanting to hurt the other’s feelings. But all this ends up doing is causing the desire to find love again, which is what motivates infidelity. So why do people cheat you think, possibly losing interest?
You Don’t Like How You Feel Around Them
It is possible that a person gets with someone that makes the other feel bad about themself. This can have a two way affect as well. Let’s first look at the person that makes the other one feel bad. More than likely this is a selfish or narcissistic person to start with. These type people are only concerned in their own needs and not others. This can cause the other person to not like themself for putting up with it.
By always being overlooked or never heard. They will tend to start thinking they are just not good enough. This leads to low self-esteem, having a really low confidence level. This situation can cascade into several scenarios. The person with the low self-esteem will start looking for love elsewhere to boost their esteem. On another hand, the person that caused the low self-esteem gets tired of it. They go looking for someone more exciting with confidence. Even though they are the one that caused the situation, they don’t see it that way.
Either way, this leads to one or the other or both, feeling sorry for themselves. Out of feeling sorry, one or both do stupid things trying to fix an issue they created. The person being brow-beat should end it and leave. Or at least bring it to the other’s attention and try to work it out. The one doing the brow-beating needs to realize that they may have an issue and get help.
Not Meeting Your Needs
Why do people cheat? Most will say that it is all based on sex, when that isn’t the real reason at all. It isn’t solely the sex, or lack of, or the lack of the type you want that causes cheating. It starts with your emotions. When your partner isn’t providing the emotional attention or concern, or making you a priority. That is when you start feeling left out and alone.
If you are feeling lonely, it can put you on the meat market board. Loneliness can cause you to be susceptible for attention from anyone. The person supplying you the attention could have their own agenda, most likely sex. Being lonely will let you fall into cheating. Sex is often a quick fix for loneliness.
Sex can be a factor; I am not saying it isn’t. Two people could have different sex drives. This could be do to age difference or many other factors. So sexual frustration could drive you to having an infidelity. But you have to realize, the true motivation behind the infidelity isn’t just to get some sex. It is due to feeling hurt and neglected. So, it still comes down to emotions and how you deal with them.
Sex Needs
Sexual variety can create problems. In relationships, people tend to want to explore a variety of sexual fantasies or positions. Often, one person wants to spice it up, break up some of the old routine. When the other isn’t really willing, this can cause problems.
Now bringing someone else into the bedroom is a bit much, if not retarded. Threesomes and orgies is definitely not the way to promote a non-cheating relationship. But it is only natural that you might want to try new things with each other. Often, the passion, “the honeymoon-phase” dies out. This isn’t a reason to cheat, although some will. One may think it to be easier to go have a fling of wild sex, rather than try with their partner.
Greed
I have personally seen this many times. I can’t say that it is guys more than girls, it is just simply greed. A person gets involved with someone, they date or get married. But now they feel they got to have more. It isn’t because of any of the above-mentioned reasons. It is basic greed and in some cases a game.
There are so many people out there that feel if one is good, then many is better. That is often how people get sick off medicines. If a little helps, then more will work even better. Then they end up in the hospital due to an overdose.
I have heard the dumbest rationalizing for cheating. Many cheaters say that having sex with others just makes the sex better with their partner. I guess practice makes perfect I suppose. But no matter how you look at it, it is greed. Their partner makes them feel on a high and confident. That gives them the ability to be able to pick up extra relational affairs.
If you noticed, married men can get other women all day long. They have the confidence because they have nothing to lose. If they strike out, no big, they got some at home. So this becomes a game, to see how many women they can get. No mater how you look at it, it is greed. And in today’s times, this applies to married women as well. Both do it, neither one is really worse than the other. As mentioned, they say it make sex with their partner better. This could be a tell-tale sign that you are being cheated on. Your partner suddenly having an increased need for sex.
The Thrill
Another one I feel is a strong reason, is cheating for the thrill of it. Think about how exciting it is to do something you’re not supposed to do while trying not to get caught. Getting away with it makes many feel so good about themselves. It boosts their ego and strengthens them emotionally and psychologically.
The thrill isn’t so much about the sex. It is just doing what you want to do and seeing if you can get away with it. We all tend to have a bit of a rebellious side in us. And that is OK to a degree but is it really worth hurting someone you are supposed to love?
Do Men Cheat More Often Than Women?
A couple of generations back, the answer would be yes. However, today it is almost equal. In fact, women between 18 to 29 cheat more than men. The times we live in today, the old roles of it being just a man and a woman realtionship, have passed.
With the variety of genders and same sex relationships, there really isn’t the man vs the woman thing. It boils down to just people being people. Sadly, many people just don’t understand what true friendship is, or loyalty. In any kind of relationship, there has to be friendship, without that, you don’t have much. Well without friendship, you quite possibly have the cheating type relationship. Something to think about when you ponder, why do people cheat?
Why Do People Cheat? – Two Main Reasons
You can go over all the above mentioned but still not come up with a real answer. Now, there are heartless jerks that are selfish and narcissistic. These type people cheat because they are not worth being involved with to start with. So, my advice, stay clear of these useless people.
For everything else, there are two failings in relationships that cause cheating. The first is maturity, the second is communication. First, we will start with maturity, It’s been obvious from the above information. In the majority of the reasons listed above, you can see a pattern. In every case, someone is reacting in a rebellious way.
You hurt me; you neglected me; we are just not in sync; things have changed. The list goes on, but none of them justify cheating. Even if your significant other cheats on you, that doesn’t make it right for you to do the same. Today people are hooked on drama, and if that is what you are after, then maybe this works for you.
Being Mature
Being mature; being a grown-up, means using the brain a little more than the knee-jerk reaction. Revenge; lashing out in anger; doing things out of pity. All of this is a complete waste of time and invested emotion. It may hurt and make you sad or mad or both when a relationship fails or is failing. But to add insult to injury by doing dumb things is only damaging you, not the other person.
Examples of STUPID things to do from hurting:
- Get a tattoo or tattoos
- Run out and cheat on your lover
- Trash your lover’s property
- Try and ruin said lover’s finances or reputation
- Cripple yourself in self pity and depression, investing your entire existence on the relationship
- Always looking for every moment to exact revenge
- Assuming it is all your fault, that you are the one to solely blame
- Assume it is all the other’s fault
- Trying to make them always feel regret
- Never let yourself be open to another relationship again
Let me clarify these to understand what I mean.
Tattoos
It doesn’t matter if you are into tattoos or not. Getting one out of a hasty decision is making a mistake. Since a tattoo is something hard to erase, you might need to think more about the future. Think how you could possibly damage or ruin a future relationship. There is nothing more of a turn off than to find a lousy tattoo about someone one else.
For an example; The foreplay has intensified, a guy goes and pulls off a girl’s pants. And there it is, on top of her private. A tattoo saying how “Joe just couldn’t do it.” Talk about a buzz kill. So, who is the girl hurting? Well, she just killed the mood for her new lover. It certainly isn’t affecting the old lover at all. All she did is hurt herself and ruin a great moment. Why does any new lover need to know if Joe could do it or not? Meanwhile, Joe is having fun with someone else not giving a crap.
Think hard about putting something on your body that reflects a past relationship. The past should be just that, move on from it. Do not give power to someone in your past that has hurt you, they don’t deserve it.
Revenge In General
This covers several of the above items, which are all based on revenge. If your lover cheats on you, it is completely wrong to go do the same. If your lover is your spouse, by you cheating, could complicate your divorce. However, the biggest reason is should be morals and self-respect.
By running out and sleeping with the first person you find, will make you feel cheap. You would be lowering your dignity and the person to pay would be you. Not to mention, you are using someone else to get revenge. You could be hurting someone else’s feelings.
Destroying your lover’s property is just ridiculous. That can throw you into legal issues, which will tie you up with said lover. Again, this can also make you feel less about yourself later on.
Trying to ruin your cheating lover is just another way that will keep you always connected. It takes too much time and there really isn’t a lasting reward from it. Also, you can ruin your own life trying to do something so childish.
Always looking for a word, or song, or something that can trigger a vengeful thought. Something to drive you into revenge mode. This is unhealthy, all it is doing is keeping you miserable. Revenge never does anyone any good. Usually, the one trying to inflict it, is the one that pays the most.
Feeling Sorry For Yourself
Sadly, there are some people that subconsciously look for reasons to wallow in self-pity. No matter if you lose your lover due to infidelity, loss of interest or even death. You need to keep on living, not hold your life frozen in time. Not to sit there dwelling on the worst moment of your life.
I can understand, losing someone through death, you may want to stay loyal. And that is fine, but don’t dwell on the negative. Flourish on all that was positive and good that you had.
If the relationship just didn’t work, why thrive on that bad time? If your lover was in the wrong, why continually give that person power over your life. By sitting around dwelling on what was or what could have been. You are missing on a great future you could have. It isn’t to say, just forget the whole thing like it never happened. You just learn from your mistakes and move on. Try and do better next time.
People do not have to be in a relationship to be someone. You are already someone special on your own. The notion that you are no one unless you have a significant other is crazy. Most people look for someone strong, confident in themselves. So, if you are super-needy, that you have to have someone. This will lessen your chances of finding someone to want you. Be happy with who you are, learn to enjoy and like yourself. Then you will become a magnet for everyone to want to be with you.
So, Who Is To Blame?
Why do people cheat, does it really matter who’s fault it is? Do you feel when you get involved in a relationship, there is a hidden score card to manage? When someone gets more points of fault than the other, they lose?
In all honesty, the saying, “It takes two to have an argument”, really applies here. So, you may be with a horrible person. They lie, they cheat, they are even abusive. In a case like this, you and everyone can say it is the horrible person’s fault. It can be said it is ALL their fault, but is it? The answer would be NO.
Just like in an argument, two people are trying to convince the other that they are right. If you are being abused, or disrespect, then leave. No matter what actions you need to take, as in legal or what, just get out of it. If you are no longer being loved correctly, why put up with it? Divorce is so common-play and easy, then why isn’t a break-up as well?
I know I make it sound so easy, and I am sure it isn’t in every case. There are always financial ties, kids, families and such. But if you are miserable, you are wasting your life. Life is so very short. It comes and goes before you know it. So why waste what could be good years staying in a relationship that is toxic. And basing who should leave on who’s fault it is. Just get out of it and move forward.
Never Loving Again
This comes from a mentality I just don’t understand. There are so many people that have on bad thing happen to them and they’re done. This applies to more than relationships. I have seen people not watch a TV show because one time, an episode scared them. So, from this point on, that show is all bad. This is an insane way of thinking. I think it is called being hooked on Drama.
If you are jilted in love, does it really make sense to shut that out of your life forever? Hell no it doesn’t! So does it really make sense to give all the power and satisfaction to the one that hurt you? If your past lover cheated on you or just broke up with you. Why would you want them to further win by stopping your life? You may ponder, “why do people cheat”, but don’t let the fear cripple you.
Granted, relationships are not really considered all your life. But if you boycott love because of a bad experience. Isn’t it yourself that you are punishing? I mean the one that did you wrong has moved on to the next. They are having a great time. Even worse, if they learn of your insane idea to be alone forever. They can take so much pride in knowing that they had that much power over you.
Even worse, there may be someone that really wants to be with you. But all you are doing is hurting them because you can’t let go of the past. All you are doing is cheating yourself. You are hanging onto a dramatic moment in your life that is so destructive.
Communication
Not communicating with each other, is another biggie in relationship issues. If two people don’t talk, then how would they know if they are in trouble. If you are feeling neglected, don’t feel sorry for yourself, mention it. People get busy, we all have our own personal distractions. So, neglecting someone isn’t uncommon. It is most likely not intentional, or we hope not. As a partner, if you feel neglected, talk to your lover about it. They may not be aware and might be glad you mentioned it before a break-up occurs.
If your lover cheated, talk to them about it. If the relationship is over, then make plans to end it. Revenge and silly games do nothing but prolong the anger and hurt. In every instance, talking is your best option. If you are with someone you can’t talk to, then what are you doing with them in the first place?
What you have to say matters, your feelings matter. If your significant other could care less or doesn’t want to hear you. It is time to leave and move forward without looking back. Communicating is the biggest part of a relationship. Even if your relationship is just a sexual one. Communication through body language is also key. If you are wondering what a strong reason on why do people cheat? Answer, no communications, without it, no relationship, plain and simple. With a bad relationship, anything can happen.
Wrapping It All Up
Why do people cheat? Personally I think it’s greed and the thrill that are the strongest motivations. However, no matter the exact reason, you have to do what is right for your life. If you want a loyal and monogamous relationship, do no settle for anything less.
Women tend to go for a challenge, that is why so many go for the bad-boy. It isn’t because they like being treated like garbage, women just respond to their emotions more so than men. So, when a guy is super nice and eager to please his girlfriend, she tends to lose interest. This can lead to cheating, on either side.
Men are like little kids; the next new shiny thing is the best. So, even a committed man will tend to look at the next hot girl as a new shiny thing.
Truthfully, it all comes down to maturity, truthfulness and communication. People need to be mature enough to look ahead more than just the moment. Everyone needs to be truthful. Not just to each other, but to themselves. If people can’t talk to each other, then what are you doing. This is in just more than romance. If you have friends you can’t talk to, then why are you friends?
It is best to take some time to get to know yourself, and know what you want out of life. Once you have that figured out, then go for it. Do not think by getting with someone, will help you decide what you want and who you are. It doesn’t work that way. Be kind to others and to yourself…
Free Book - Discover 6 Key Strategies To Improve Communications Between You And Your Partner
Improve communications for a better romance!
Learn how to better your current relationship or be just that good at starting a new one by knowing how to properly communicate.
